McNipples
This article is absolutely disgusting. I have no idea why I wrote it. Please don't read it. I'm serious. It's highly disturbing. I don't mean disturbing in a small way, like a dead body or a Wal Mart. I mean SERIOUSLY disturbing. Don't read this article. Thank you.
McNipples is a popular alternative restaurant in New York, NY. It is exactly like a normal restaurant, but with one small difference: instead of serving food, the restaurant only serves human breast milk. From human breasts.
Perhaps I didn't make that clear enough.
It's a place where you can pay to drink from the breasts of a woman.
The restaurant's menu offers a number of selections of women. Some are younger (in their early 40's, at the youngest) while some are older (the oldest woman working there is in her '60s).
After making a selection from the menu, the waiter will bring you your woman, and she will remove her shirt so you can drink.
The restaurant has a "Drink as much as you want!!" policy, meaning that once you've paid the substantial entrance fee, you can drink as much milk as you want.
But what of the customers? Why do they come to such a place? We asked Terry Blegm, a frequent customer.
"Well," says 29 year old Blegm as he sits down at one of the restaurant's tables, "I'm a business man. A lawyer. The office is very stressful. It's nice to unwind with a little warm milk at the end of the day. My real mother died when I was very young. I think coming here for a drink once every few days helps me come to terms with that. Sometimes I bring my wife, and she'll drink too--I'll drink from one nipple and she'll drink from the other." At this point, Blegm stopped talking to me, because a topless, 57 year old woman arrived at his table, and he began to suckle.
What about the owner of the McNipples restaurant? How is he treated by other restaurant owners? We asked him.
"Well," he says, "A lot of family values organizations actually love my restaurant, because it enables grown men to get back in touch with the warmth of motherhood. Others find the image of a grown man drinking milk from the breast of an old woman upsetting somehow. I can't imagine why. But whenever I get hate mail, I just thank God that I decided against my original restaurant idea: Umbilical Cord: The Restaurant."
Okay, I'm gonna stop writing this article now, before something dreadful happens.
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