Film

Picture the scene: two muscly, stern browed Schwarzenegger lookalikes settle down in a darkened basement in New York, much wartime commotion on the streets. Al boots up the Internet.

Al: Oh crap, there's no article about Film on Illogicopedia.

Jon: What's worse, we only have 24 hours to save the world from destruction.

Al: Never mind that now, there's more pressing issues, like why the page cannot be displayed.

Al frantically hits a 'refresh' button on his (rather strange and convoluted) keyboard

Jon: Oh no, the network has little or no connectivity. What are we going to do? I think I'm going insane dammit! Gaaaargh!

Al gets up hastily and grabs Jon by the neck

Al: Pull yourself together, man. We can do this. All we need to do is think...

Phone rings, Al looks round, drops an exhausted Jon to the floor. He moves over to the phone and picks up the receiver

Al: Huh? OK, yeah. Bye.

Jon: Who was that?!

Al: It was the boss. He says that the Carbon Destructor Machine invented by Lord Doom has been initiated. We now have only 23 hours and 59 minutes until the world is destroyed. If we don't act fast, the chemist is gonna close and we won't be able to get any Kleenex.

Jon: What are you talking about, Dave? We're just a couple of homeless guys who broke into a house, tied up the owners and came into the basement to get the latest subscription to supersluts.com.

Al: Then who was that on the phone?

Sinister growl reverberates through the basement.

Al "shoots" at nothing in particular

Jon: What are you doing?

Al: Killing that stupid dog.

Jon: With what? You're holding a carton of milk.

Al: It's a lactose intolerant dog.