Pizza Poking
Frederick was a Pizza Poker. It was his job to poke pizzas with his finger.
He remembered the day he decided to become a pizza poker. It was career day at his high school. He had skipped over the desks for "lawyer," "doctor," and "prostitute" and headed to the "depressing jobs" section, which included "banker," "tollbooth operator," "90% of jobs in the United States," and "pizza poker." The pizza poker desk had intrigued him. The man behind it had killed himself. But he was wearing a shirt that said "I'm a certified pizza poker!" Frederick loved that shirt. He wanted one.
So he spent eight years in college studying the fine art of poking pizzas. He took the pizza poking aptitude test, which involved poking several cheese pizzas then paying a $300,000 fee. If you paid the fee, you passed the test. If you didn't pay the fee, you were promptly shot.
After that, he got a job with the Pizza Poking Bureau in New York city. Every day, he'd sit in an office for 8 hours, hoping somebody would call him, desperately needing their pizza to be poked. Nobody ever did. All his friends were pizza punchers. They got to punch pizzas all the time.
But he did get a nice "I'm a certified pizza poker!" tee shirt.
Someday he knew somebody would call him, desperately needing their pizza to be poked.
Pictures of boats.