Prince Philip

In times of war, one man can save us. One man who, above every other has come to the rescue of a country in its time of need.

That man.... is Superman.

Prince Phillip is Britain's most famous doorstop and crown polisher.

Allies

• The Queen, but only on Sundays.

Enemies

• Kate Middleton
• Mohammad Al Fayed
• The Wall (doesn't need no ejucashun)

Other stuff

Apparently (that being a rather important word here), he got knocked down the stairs after a fight with Kate Middletits and an ambulance had to be called because he got his truncheon stuck up a corgi's arse. Apparently.