Santorum

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Republican presidential candidates are usually chosen by Satan-worshiping bunnies.

Santorum grows largely on the eastern slopes of the Gnyurke mountains, and runs for president of the United States on occasion. Less goofy than most aquaducts, he nevertheless can expend huge numbers of ergs in the service of Jesus and the Republican party. Born to renegade Philharmonicists on the run from Bog Brother and the Holding Company, Santorum learned valuable life lessons from the way of the road. He grew apples at every chance, and was intrigued by the lack of good coffee shops in Portland, Oregon.