Shebelted

She belted "On a Tuesday!" That was the first thing Audra ever told me. On a Tuesday. I had spent years watching her and when I finally gathered the courage to go up to her and ask for a date. She said on a Tuesday, and Tuesdays are lame.

I got back to her and she belted "DENNYS!" when I asked "where do-" I didn't have time to finish my sentence.

When we got there she belted "OPEN DOOR!" after sprinting into it several times. I got a few laughs out of it, but then opened the door.

She belted, "Sugar toast!" when I asked her what she wanted to eat. Sugar toast. Oh my. Sugar toast. I asked the waiter about sugar toast, and she brought out a piece of toast and Audra ate it in one bite. I ordered pancakes.

We left but while pacing down the restaurant to the door.... She belted "Still hungry!!" and grabbed a mans plate and ate his eggs, put the plate back, took his knife, and stabbed the man several times.

Before you know it the cops were after us. She belted "Cop begone!" And whipped out some Windex and sprayed a cop in the eyes.

We got in the car and she belted "FLOOR IT!" Before she noticed I was in the back seat cowering in fear.

We were in a high speed chase. She belted "HAMBURGER!" She stopped at the Mcdonalds drive through and bought six burgers. She ate them in 3 bites, then started the car up again, and sped down the road with the cops after her.

I decided this was a good time to jump out of the car. I did. She then belted, "QUITTING JERK OPERATION ABANDON ZEBRA!" Wow that was the longest sentence yet. She then tried to run me over. Her bumper smashed my head and I was out.

I awoke in the hospital and the nurse belted "TA-TA!" It was just a bad dream. Thank goodness.

Then I actually awoke in the hospital.

***

Several years later I had to bail my son out of jail. When I arrived there the first thing I head from down the jail corridors was her belting "NEVER LEAVE A FISH ON THE STOVE!"

I never thought my dream girl was an autistic maniac.