Sinister spoons
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Sinister spoons can be found disturbingly near you! They are secretly stocked into every supermarket, and as soon as a would-be customer comes near, they jump all over while tickling the poor victim ferociously until over 9000 ms of laughter has been heard. Then they instantly disappear along with the victim, and as if by magic, payment materializes into the hands of the cashier, whose high-gravity nostrils immediately puts them into orbit.
Beware of these pathological spoons, for they will try to turn you into a psychopath! Before you know it, you will be plotting to take over the world and poke people ruthlessly, every day with spoons!