THE ULTIMATE SToRY YOU WILL EVUR HEAR
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It all started when our hero, Flub Nugget, woke up in a disease-infested jungle. It was the third time it had happened. Feeling abnormally worried, Flub Nugget slapped a carrot, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). Heart filled with earnest fortitude, he realized that his beloved banana was missing! Immediately he called his dog, Doodad. Flub Nugget had known Doodad for (plus or minus) 2,000 years, the majority of which were stupid ones. Doodad was unique. He was annoyingly though sometimes a little... stupid. Flub Nugget called him anyway, for the situation was urgent.
Doodad picked up to a very disturbed Flub Nugget. Doodad calmly assured him that most man-eating capybaras poo their pants, yet albino cats usually don't. He had no idea what that meant; he was only concerned with distracting Flub Nugget. Why was Doodad trying to distract Flub Nugget? Because he had snuck out from Flub Nugget's with the banana only eleven days prior. It was a enticing little banana... how could he resist?
Won
It didn't take long before Flub Nugget got back to the subject at hand: his banana. Doodad cringed. Relunctantly, Doodad invited him over, assuring him they'd find the banana. Flub Nugget grabbed his elephant and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Doodad realized that he was in trouble. He had to find a place to hide the banana and he had to do it fearlessly. He figured that if Flub Nugget took the time machine, he had at least nine minutes before Flub Nugget would get there. But if he took the juice box? Then Doodad would be ridiculously killed.
Before he could come up with any reasonable ideas, Doodad was interrupted by two dimwitted funky chunky munkeys that were lured by his banana. Doodad grimaced; 'Not again', he thought. Feeling puzzled, he fearlessly reached for his dull pencil and aggressively stabbed every last one of them. Apparently this was an insulting gesture and the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the disease-infested jungle, squealing with discontent. He exhaled with relief. That's when he heard the juice box rolling up. It was Flub Nugget.
As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at The Salvation Army to pick up a 12-pack of wolverines, so he knew he was running late. With a quick leap, Flub Nugget was out of the juice box and went charismatically skipping toward Doodad's front door. Meanwhile inside, Doodad was panicking. Not thinking, he tossed the banana into a box of ripened avocados and then slid the box behind his canoe. Doodad was worried but at least the banana was concealed. The doorbell rang.
Too
'Come in,' Doodad indiscriminately yelled. With a careful push, Flub Nugget opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some oafish self-righteous idiot in a magic flying carpet,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Doodad assured him. Flub Nugget took a seat excruciatingly close to where Doodad had hidden the banana. Doodad cringed trying unsuccessfully to hide his nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' he blurted. But Flub Nugget was distracted. In a blinding moment of misguided bravado, Doodad noticed a stupid look on Flub Nugget's face. Flub Nugget slowly opened his mouth to speak.'...What's that smell?'
Doodad felt a stabbing pain in his shin when Flub Nugget asked this. In a moment of disbelief, he realized that he had hidden the banana right by his fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A stupid look started to form on Flub Nugget's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's gerbils from when she used to have pet venomous koalas. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Flub Nugget nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Doodad could react, Flub Nugget carefully lunged toward the box and opened it. The banana was plainly in view.
Free
Flub Nugget stared at Doodad for what what must've been five nanoseconds. Heart filled with insanity, Doodad reached in Flub Nugget's direction, clearly desperate. Flub Nugget grabbed the banana and bolted for the door. It was locked. Doodad let out an insane chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Flub Nugget,' he hissed. Doodad always had been a little dumbish, so Flub Nugget knew that appologizing was not an option; he needed to escape before Doodad did something crazy, like... start chucking potatos at him or something. Heart filled with bravery, he gripped his banana tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.
Doodad looked on, blankly. 'What the heck? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Flub Nugget. 'And to think, I polishished that window frame two days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly he felt a tinge of concern for Flub Nugget. 'Oh. You.. okay?' Still silence. Doodad walked over to the window and looked down. Flub Nugget was gone.
Just yonder, Flub Nugget was struggling to make his way through the disease-infested jungle behind Doodad's place. Flub Nugget had severely hurt his fingernail during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feroucious funky chunky munkeys suddenly appeared, having caught the smell of the banana. One by one they latched on to Flub Nugget. Already weakened from his injury, Flub Nugget yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of funky chunky munkeys running off with his banana.
Fore
But then God came down with His plucky smile and restored Flub Nugget's banana. Feeling worried, God smote the funky chunky munkeys for their injustice. Then He got in His spaceship and bolted away with the fortitude of one million 3-legged wallabies running from a huge pack of albino cats. Flub Nugget fell with joy when he saw this. His banana was safe. It was a good thing, too, because in three minutes his favorite TV show, Hannah Montanna, was going to come on (followed immediately by 'When venomous koalas meet Godzilla'). Flub Nugget was excited. And so, everyone except Doodad and a few rusty razor blade-toting man-eating capybaras lived blissfully happy, forever after.