Teh Taco Man
“Is that a type of watermelon?”
Teh Taco Man or just "taco man" is a wanna-be-hero-gone-professional-ironer. The earlier portion of his life included being a taco. But he didn't like that so he out on a seal costume but was eaten by a shark on a trip to Cancun. He lost both legs and both arms. Then he grew one that looked like they were made on MS Paint. How sad! :(
Taco Man was born in Northern Europe to a famed scholar. She, however was not in the mood to have a taco come out of her vagina during labor, so she aborted the baby. taco Man was later found in a dumpster, covered in old horse hair and cow dung. His catch phrase is "When it comes to math, never resort to the king!"
Taco Man became a hero when he saved a kid who was stuck in the kiddy pool that was one foot deep. The kid had fallen and was crying so the Taco went into the water and got soggy but saved the kid, therefore becoming a town hero. Then he went a state hero when he illegally blocked the field goal at the state finals. Then he was never a country hero because a goat had broken his shell and he was crippled for life.
Having a broken shell left only three choices for Taco Man: Die, go to jail, or become a pro ironing guy. He took choice three and became a famous ironer and a national star. He lives in Miami and is constantly wanted to be eaten by fans.