The Adventures of an Inanimate Object

One day I was watching the television when I heard a small voice. It said Hey Johnny!. I was flabbergasted when I realized the voice was coming from my kitchen table. Holy crap! I yelled. I proceeded to throw several sharp objects at the talking table. Johnny, why? the table said. Because you smell like cheese! I yelled back as I plunged the blade of a spatula into the wood. Well, this obviously wasn't working. The table was still rambling about being attacked by a candle and it was getting more annoying by the second. I'll be back I hissed at the table. I ran out the door and into my garage. I opened up a steel locker. Inside there a M16 assault rifle, an AK-47, two bazookas, and several other weapons. Hastily I grabbed a box of tissues from the locker and ran back inside. Your back Johnny! the table said. MY NAME IS NOT JOHNNY!!!!! I screamed. That was it. I wacked that table with the tissue box until the tissues started to sream for help. Wha? I exclaimed. Now there was two talking things! I grabbed the toaster and flung it at the table, but the toster started talking too. Now every inanimate object in my house was talking. I ran to my room and pulled out my copy of How to make an Atomic Bomb to blow up a horde of talking inanimate objects in less than five minutes. So, in four point two minutes I had made a bomb. I clicked the detonater and jumped out the window. But, I found i could move, as I was strapped to the bomb! What the heck?!!?!?. I was surrounded by my Teddy Bear collection, and they were holding some rope. And then everyone in the whole county blew up. The end.