The Whipping of the Juggalos
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The Whipping of the Juggalos is one of the most unforgiven wars in history. It was long ago, shortly after the Protestant Reformation, the Pope claimed that he would discuss peace to the Protestants. Thousands, maybe even millions of Protestants came, excited to hear this news. However, a Protestant leader named Lord Ackbar yelled "It's a trap!" and shortly afterwards, the Pope's army of trained Elites came out and attacked the Protestants, also known as Juggalos. After this event, an alliance of Protestant and non-Christian nations and groups formed an alliance. Under Sir John Michalotte's control, the alliance was out to kill the Catholics. The war ended a few years later, in a complete stalemate. If the war never occurred, however, the Pope would surely have us in bondage today.
Leaders and Important People
- Ching Shih, who is Chinese, was a naval general in the war. If it weren't for her innovative strategies, the Protestant Reformation may not have been successful.
- Sir John Michalotte, leader of the alliance against the Catholics, is said to be schizophrenic, and was known to talk to, worship, and obey the face of a dead person. These accusations are probably true, or at least misleading.
- Pope W, the Pope at the time, executed the Protestants because he thought he was awesome.
- Mr. T, an ex-Archbishop, was super pissed that the Pope would do something like this. The Pope also betrayed Mr. T in the past.
- The Magic Train was a black guy who did nothing but stir up trouble in the alliance.
- Master Exon was a Madalion who was recovered from a Catholic jail cell during the war. (The book doesn't mention where he actually was before he entered the scene)
Important Battles
Battle of Rome
Ching Shih deployed ground forces lead by a man called "The Crossing" near Rome, and this battle erupted (actually, in the book, The Crossing never did this). The Catholics held off the Alliance for many days, when The Crossing revealed his secret plan. They would leave and attack neighboring cities. When the Catholics separated their armies to attack the Alliance from behind, a hidden unit of the Alliance came out and sacked Rome.
Battle of London
Mr. T drove the A-Team van all the way to London, stepped out, and brutally pummeled Queen Mary I (Bloody Mary). She was known as Bloody Mary not because she killed Protestants while trying to convert England back to Catholicism. She had been given that name from the Janitors who spent 6 years trying to clean the blood from over 6,000 square feet of walls, floors, and ceilings in a castle. Mr. T was later pitying the Janitors.
Battle of Darhan
Deep in the jungle of Mongolia, near the city of Darhan, Rastafarian Native camps were quickly under siege by a Catholic land unit. With the lucky help of a squad of commandos that arrived shortly before the battle, a few elite Rastafarian Natives escaped alive.