Thoughts While Reading T3canolis's Article "Thoughts While On a Roller Coaster"

So these are the thoughts going through my head as I read t3canolis's article Thoughts While On a Roller Coaster. I'm doing it section by section and including quotes from the original article to make it easier to read. Not that an article with a title as complicated as this one could ever be easy to read, but hey.

The Climb

Original article text: "Fuck, fuck, fuck!!! What was I thinking??? Oh God, Oh God! I wanna get off!!! OHHHH GOD! Breathe in, breathe out, breathe in breathe out... It's gonna be fine. It's gonna be fine... No it isn't... No, no, I'll hate it... Oh God..."

My thoughts: I've decided to read this article pretending it's about sex to see how well it works. The "fuck fuck what was I thinking?" part works pretty well, and the "Oh God, Oh God! I wanna get off!" part is just freakin' hilarious.

The Top

Original text: "Oh shit."

Thoughts: Haha, I love the word "shit," it's the most amusing swear word except possibly "Schmoo." Also, "Oh shit" fits well with the "This article is actually about sex" conspiracy, assuming that it's really terrible sex.

Alternately, this section could be interpreted as a beautiful, poetic take on the despair and emptiness of loneliness in modern life. The beautifully written period at the end of the two-word sentence symbolizes the absurd finality of death, and the roundness of the period is reminiscent of shit, which is a central theme of this part of the article.

The Drop

Original text: "Oh God!!!! Is my stomach in my throat??? Is it? Is my heart still beating?"

Thoughts: Oh, I love this song! A good song came up on my ipod.

Also, the "Is my heart still beating?" line makes me think that the sex must be getting better, because I'm still convinced that this article is about sex.

Although the "Is my heart still beating? line could also be more commentary about the despair of modern life. In this case, it would be about modern life destroying our bodies and confusing our minds to the point where we have no idea whether or not we are carrying on life's basic functions. The theme of confusion and alienation is emphasized by the passage's many question marks, which are beautiful and turn me on a bit.

Actually, it's probably about sex.

Twists and Turns

Original text: WOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

WOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

WOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

WOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH

WOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH

Thoughts: AHAHAH! This section title works hilariously well for sex. And the repeated "WOOOAOAOOAAOAOOAOAOOAAOH!"-ing is just kind of awesome.

Also, I really love this song that I'm listening to.

Also, I should really be finishing my essay instead of writing this article, but I was looking for a distraction anyway, and writing an article is infinitely more interesting than staring at holes in the ceiling (although admittedly they're pretty interesting holes).

Second Climb

Original text: "Was that so bad? Yes, yes, it was. Oh God... This one is bigger... I'm gonna get that feeling again... What if I slightly stand up? No, no, I'll fall out... How much would that suck? Falling out? Okay, okay, don't even think about it; don't think about it..."

Thoughts: Okay, so the sex interpretation..."Second climb." A second round of sex? This guy's got stamina!

"This one is bigger"

HAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!

"I'm gonna get that feeling again"

Getting "that feeling" is what tends to happen when you're having sex!

"What if I slightly stand up?"

Ah, sex positions....

Second Top

Original text: "This is gonna be worse."

Thoughts: Why would the sex be worse the second time around? Perhaps the protagonist is "Falling out" as he feared in the previous section. Alternately, this section could be a miniature poem about world war II. When the section says "This is gonna be worse," it's symbolizing the dread that came with the realization that World War II was going to be worse than the first world war was. But why call the section ""Second Top" if the war interpretation is correct? If World War II is the "Second Top," would World War one be the "first top?" Perhaps the poet is saying that war is like a spinning top--crazy, unpredictable, dizzying, chaotic...beautiful poetry here folks. Or maybe it's just about sex.

Second Drop

Original text: "WHY? WHY? WHY????? Am I still alive?!?!?!? Oh God!!!"

Thoughts: Hmmm...well I'm assuming the person he's having sex with turned out to have some sort of dreadful, chainsaw-related fetish, and our dear protagonist is now suffering from some post-chainsaw sex wounds.

The End

Original Text: "Why did I go on that?? I'm not going on anything else... Again? No. N-O. Can we please- um- not do anything exciting... Um... I hear they have a nice animal park. Eh, it was worth a shot"

Thoughts: Oh, awkward post-sex conversation.

BAAHAHAHAAHAH!!!

Okay, so the conclusion from this is that I have a filthy, wretched, perverted mind, and that t3canolis has the craziest sex life of all time. Either that or he's very good at coming up with World War II metaphors.