Threading the eye of a camel through a heroin needle

This should never be attempted. It's not only bad for the heroin needle, but removing its eye severely reduces the camel's depth perception, which can lead it to walk into your other stashes of drug paraphernalia, spilling it all everywhere and costing you a bundle! So don't do it.

But, but, why not?

Because Jesus said so. It's right there in his promotional self help pamphlet, 'The Bible', in the back somewhere, I think. He was originally going to leave it out but a rogue one-eyed camel had just trashed his meth lab the day before, and the ruckus had alerted the police to his operation. He had lost everything. Having been on the run for six weeks, stealing lepers and singing kumbayar to school children, he was pretty cheesed off; his mood a veritable array of edams and red leicsterr; you should have seen it, my friend. As the police were closing in, he knew his only hope was to inspire an entire generation of financial investors with on-the-money financial advice so they could finance his bail.

And then what?

And then what, you ask? Taking his finest crayola crayon, named Geoffrey, incidentally, he tacked on the important lesson that 'its easier to thread the eye of a camel through a heroin needle than for a rich man to increas his yearly profit yield above the 5% base rate' into his pamphlet, just after the ten commandments and a cool picture of a dragon he'd drawn the other day. Seconds later he was slaughtered by a passing eyeball that had been injected with heroin.

Why was the crayon called Geoffrey?

Geoffrey's parents are the product of a bygone age. They didn't have the necessary foresight that comes with keeping up-to-date on social norms and the world around them to realise that almost no one is called Geoffrey anymore. Geoffrey's name made him stand out in a school of Mikes and Bens (it went to an all boys school), and it was bullied for it heavily. Crayons can be very nasty in that way.

So what now?

We shoot Geoffrey.