Tripe
“I like tripe.”
“Get that blasted stuff away from me!”
“Mr. Forsyth made my brother what he is today. Ha, ha.”
Tripe is a reddish-green Albanian delicacy, invented by Nobel Prize-winning chimpanzee impersonator and part-time shepherd Bruce Forsyth half an hour ago. It goes well with tomatoes.
The Discovery that Kittens Love Tripe
Twenty-six minutes ago, Forsyth was eating a banana when a kitten flew through his window into a barrel of Forsyth's tripe. Instead of struggling its way out, however, it consumed the entire contents of the barrel and subsequently exploded, killing Forsyth and his budgie, Florence. Florence's funeral is to be held on Thursday, whilst Forsyth's funeral is to be postponed until over 50% of him is recovered.
Ingredients
Tripe consists of two main ingredients; tomatoes and minced grue. The tomato has to be over-ripe in order to release the distinctive flavour that tripe is so well known for.
How the Name Came to Be
Forsyth named his creation 'tripe' as a mixture of the words 'tomato' and 'ripe', a hint towards the main ingredient (as long as one ignores the real main ingredient).
Despite Forsyth's untimely death, the name 'tripe' stuck, due to police finding the tattered remains of one of his manuscripts, partially entitled ' How I came to invent Tripe and How it is deadly to... '. People are still trying to find the rest of the title. Face it; it is no more! Get over it!
The Dog Misconception
It is a common misconception that dogs are also addicted to tripe. This false assumption may be attributed to the difficulty to tell a cat from a dog (it happens. No one is blaming you). In fact, dogs are repulsed by the very thought of eating tripe. It causes them to involuntarily sing in Italian and drive combine harvesters through strawberry fields. They are then violently sick.