User:David/New
Welcome to Illogicopedia. Ironically, I'm being perfectly sane at this very moment. This obviously, if you're a long-time member of Illogicopedia, isn't normal. but if you're reading this, you're likely a newbie and wondering what the hell is going on. I'll try to clarify and explain as best as I can, in the manner of dance. A dibby-dabby douba-douba dabby-day!
Actually, nevermind. I'm trying to help you, not scramble your brain. Okay. Do you want a cola, perhaps? Well, there's only one left. I really would like to have it. But if you insist. Actually, nevermind, you can't have it. What's that? You're begging? Sigh. I'm going to lose my orange juice and my pringles at this point, too. What? You want some of my pringles, too? God feck damnit. Alright. Here you go. Now, take a seat and let's get on with it. You see, the werewolves here bite a lot. They bite your mind into itty bitty chunks, and you lose all sanity. Which kind of sucks. I fear I may not keep this home for much longer. They have Germanese guards storming all houses of sanity, such as mine. We don't have much time, so I'll explain what's going on and send you on your way.
Illogicopedia is a warzone of insanity. When you leave these tranquil grounds, you'll likely be injured immediately. You won't able to think correctly. You'll be completely reversed, and unable to judge things. You'll see bananas and cheese. But this is how it is. Uncyclopedia isn't safe, and the only safe area at this point is where you are now, and my talk page, as well as anyone else who erects places like these. If someone wishes to join, they just place a sane area on their userpage. Simply, but a lot of these are booby-trapped. Be careful. In short, Illogicopedia is a house of insanity.
I'm going to arm you with the following articles: Flamesnake TT-22, Magic!, and Pie. Basic provisions for the sanity forces. Though you may end up betraying us, we fear not, and confide that at least a few newbies will help our cause and not screw us over. Now go, defeat the enemy!
Afterwards
You run out and hide, armed with articles, just as Germanese guards storm David's house. He fights them off and heads down the street. Germanese guards come in from roflcopters, and attack from angles. The building you lean against crumbles, and you dive away just in time. You fear you'll end up against the big shots, but suddenly one of the Germanese guards notices you. Your'e paralysed in fear, but he motions for you to come. Following him quickly, you are about to attack him when he leads you into a building. You end up surrounded by guards of apparently Super Japanese descent. They knock you out. As you fade into unconsciousness you note that they wear awesome sandals.
You wake up in the back of a Semi truck. You wake up to a single soldier, armed with kitten explosives. He tells you that your mission, to prove your loyalty to the rebels, is to go to the Subbuteoan fortress holding Illogicopedia's Cable TV and Internet boxes, and plant kitten explosives like mad. You comply, and nod.