WfNamespaces*cache Array **retrieve Array * alias * Array *
"Caching Array"
a hastily-written, poorly conceived wikiplay in One Act,
by W. F. Namespaces
ACT I, SCENE 1. Cyberspace. Inside a webserver. For the record, it's a 386SX/16 with 4 MB of RAM, stowed on the bottom shelf of Carl B's pantry, next to the Kraft Dinner.
- LARRY plods wearily along a neverending bitstream of ones and zeros full of sound and fury. but signifying nothing that would ever be deemed fit to appear on Wikipedia.
- LARRY
- Array!
- Nothing happens.
- LARRY
- Array!!!
- Nothing still continues to happen, or, alternately, something continues to refrain from happening. So, Larry sits down at a cyberterminal and begins typing.
larry@illogixserver-x1:~$ cache Array
bash: cache: command not found
larry@illogixserver-x1:~$ retrieve Array
bash: cache: command not found
larry@illogixserver-x1:~$ alias Array
bash: Array (also commonly misspelled 'Array or Harray) is a common misspelling of Harry, commonly misspelled by common, stupid people. See also: man Harry
larry@illogixserver-x1:~$ man Harry
HARRY(1)
NAME
- Harry - a man, obviously, you know that much
SYNOPSIS
- Harry -?
- Harry --help
- Harry --wtf
- Harry --wtfh
- Harry --version
- Harry --call
- (See the OPTIONS section for alternate option syntax with long option names.)
Manual page Harry(1) line 1/1186 1%
larry@illogixserver-x1:~$ Harry --call
bash: Harry: not found
larry@illogixserver-x1:~$ Harry --call
bash: Harry: found, not available
larry@illogixserver-x1:~$ Harry --call
bash: Harry: available, not interested
larry@illogixserver-x1:~$ Harry --call
bash: Harry: pissed off
larry@illogixserver-x1:~$ _
- LARRY
- Hi Array!
- HARRY
- Fine, I'm here. Now what was so damned important that you had to preempt my hot tub adventures with the binary twins, Jiggly and Juggy?
- LARRY
- Just wondered if you wanted to grab a pizza.
- HARRY
- I was grabbing pieces just fine until you started in. So would you mind cutting it out? You're not just annoying me with that racket, but the *cache Array **retrieve Array * alias * Array * crap is spilling out onto the web, wreaking havoc on the other weak minded.
- LARRY
- Sorry. Catch you later.
- HARRY
- Oh probably, and I'll no doubt be catching you, though if I'm fortunate perhaps it'll be bubonic plague instead.
- Lights fade, curtain down, power off.