WfNamespaces*cache Array **retrieve Array * alias * Array *

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short title:
"Caching Array"

a hastily-written, poorly conceived wikiplay in One Act,
by W. F. Namespaces


ACT I, SCENE 1. Cyberspace. Inside a webserver. For the record, it's a 386SX/16 with 4 MB of RAM, stowed on the bottom shelf of Carl B's pantry, next to the Kraft Dinner.

LARRY plods wearily along a neverending bitstream of ones and zeros full of sound and fury. but signifying nothing that would ever be deemed fit to appear on Wikipedia.
LARRY
Array!
Nothing happens.
LARRY
Array!!!
Nothing still continues to happen, or, alternately, something continues to refrain from happening. So, Larry sits down at a cyberterminal and begins typing.

 
larry@illogixserver-x1:~$ cache Array
bash: cache: command not found

larry@illogixserver-x1:~$ retrieve Array
bash: cache: command not found

larry@illogixserver-x1:~$ alias Array
bash: Array (also commonly misspelled 'Array or Harray) is a common misspelling of Harry, commonly misspelled by common, stupid people. See also: man Harry

larry@illogixserver-x1:~$ man Harry

HARRY(1)

NAME

Harry - a man, obviously, you know that much

SYNOPSIS

Harry -?
Harry --help
Harry --wtf
Harry --wtfh
Harry --version
Harry --call
(See the OPTIONS section for alternate option syntax with long option names.)

Manual page Harry(1) line 1/1186 1%

larry@illogixserver-x1:~$ Harry --call
bash: Harry: not found

larry@illogixserver-x1:~$ Harry --call
bash: Harry: found, not available

larry@illogixserver-x1:~$ Harry --call
bash: Harry: available, not interested

larry@illogixserver-x1:~$ Harry --call
bash: Harry: pissed off

larry@illogixserver-x1:~$ _  
 

LARRY
Hi Array!
HARRY
Fine, I'm here. Now what was so damned important that you had to preempt my hot tub adventures with the binary twins, Jiggly and Juggy?
LARRY
Just wondered if you wanted to grab a pizza.
HARRY
I was grabbing pieces just fine until you started in. So would you mind cutting it out? You're not just annoying me with that racket, but the *cache Array **retrieve Array * alias * Array * crap is spilling out onto the web, wreaking havoc on the other weak minded.
LARRY
Sorry. Catch you later.
HARRY
Oh probably, and I'll no doubt be catching you, though if I'm fortunate perhaps it'll be bubonic plague instead.
Lights fade, curtain down, power off.