William Shakespeare
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File:Willie Shakespeare.jpg
An unretouched photo of Willie Shakespeare.
- Not to be confused with Shakespeare, a disease common amongst golfers.
After drinking a combination of liquid heroin mixed with fukbeer, William Shakespeare (also known as Willem Shakspar by illiterates) started writing his first plays. The writing process usually happened while in an epileptic fit.
Famously he left his tongue out to dry on a scaffold and came back to find it had been stolen by the police.