Shakespeare

Not to be confused with William Shakespeare.

Shakespeare is a disease often contracted by golf players and Roman Legionnaires alike. It is not quite Legionnaire's disease. In fact, it has nothing to do with Legionnaire's disease whatsoever.

Symptoms

• Shaking hands obsessively
• Shaky obsessive hands
• Spears appearing randomly around body
• Spears shaking when grasped by hands
• Hands shaking when grasping spears
• Kosher dill pickle spears appearing randomly around body
• Death
• AC/DC

Cure

There are only three cures to Shakespeare: getting AIDS, getting Cancer or getting Death. Those three diseases are strong enough to bully Shakespeare out of a person's system with no side effects.

Education

Schools teach of the dangers of Shakespeare and Shakespaar, the rather virilant strand of the disease. That's why they have Shakespeare on the GCSE exam.

Facts

• Actors hate saying 'MacBeth' because it rhymes with 'MacDeath'.
• Shakespeare mothered no baby bears in his lifetime and wasn't quite lucky enough to become a cantaloupe at age 0.
• The number 609 was Shakespeare's least favourite number because he fell in love with it, but it didn't return his love.
• Steel is a byproduct of millions of years of famine.
• Shakespeare went to physio today because of his back.