Seven
Seven, the number of days in a week, the number of fingers on one hand, the number of teeth in my mouth. So sweet, so useful, seven can surely be considered one of the best numbers of all time. Seven main colors. There are seven things I could be doing right now that are better than this. Without seven, our world would cease to exist in a peaceful manner, and 1337 would be without one of the most common characters in the alphabet. And you know what? Seven is a bitch[1].
Why is seven so bad?
Why is seven so bad? Are you fucking nuts? Seven at this moment is probably raping your mother, stealing your money and washing your car. Wait. Not the last one. Seven is doing something bad right now. How do I know? I have special secret cameras. For fun he goes off and kills other numbers. I mean, look at what he did to nine. He fucking ate the number nine. Why? Because nine was getting close to seven on the "Coolest Number" poll.
Seven is just one bad dude. Seriously, he spends more time banging bitches then he does "Helping old women across the street[2]" He's a goddamn liar and thief. He steals from the poor and gives to the rich, just so he can get a good reputation from those with power. When he gets that, he moves up in the ranks and gets even more benefits for being a complete bitch. Asshole. Want some more evidence? Just look at the facts I discovered about him.
- Seven does drugs - He is majorly addicted to pot and heroin. He can't go past a few hours without a fix, and he spends nearly ten thousand dollars a month that he supposedly "Donates to charities[3]" on all of the drugs he buys from dealers. And, worst of all, he doesn't even share his substances with his friends.
- He killed a cute puppy - Since everyone absolutely loves cute puppies (Unless, of course, you are allergic) he decided to go out and kill one, just to make people pissed off. He hid the evidence, i.e. his bloody knife just before the cops arrived, and he tried to make it look like he was trying to save the dog. And they bought it. They fucking bought it.
- He steals candy from babies - Don't get me started.
And to make it all worse, once seven does this stuff, he covers up his tracks to make it look like he didn't And since everyone loves him so much, the y believe him when he says "It wasn't me, it was a bad man in a mask!"
Uses of the number seven
It is jayoskate's telephone number. Call him if you discover the answer to his brain-bending question.
Numbers that are better than seven
Since seven is such a faggot, I've composed a list of all of the numbers that are greater than him. Just for your information, every fucking number is better than this guy, even -26, a total hardass number.
No, seriously. Not just numbers, everything is better than Seven. Sure, your old Grandma's war covered face might look bad, but it is not even one-millionth as bad as Seven is. Unless your Grandma's wart goes off at night and mercilessly slaughters cute puppies and blows up dolls and steals Slim Jims from convenience stores.
Are you sure this is true?
Hell yeah, I'm sure! Just take a look at my stash of secret videos[4]! I was secretly filming him and caught him in the act of his dirty deeds. I have loads of these films, over four hundred hours of film that is exclusively seven being one naughty boy. The best one was probably when he tripped and old lady walking across the street just so he could help her up and make everyone look and say "Wow, what a kind citizen! We love you Seven!" He is so deceptive, and no one seems to notice. He does all sorts of stuff, and he rapes so many innocent children it's almost unbearable for me to watch him do it. But I do ti so that I can catch the fucker in the act of being a total bitch. The world would be so much better without this guy. Seriously, I'm not alone. There's a whole organization made to rid the world of Seven. That's how horrible this guy.
Can you back this up?
Of course I can! Just to prove my points, I sent my footage of seven to the local News Station[5]. But they didn't accept it. Why? They said "You just took a piece of paper with 'seven' written on it and had it 'rape' barbie dolls.", but in reality they were point at gunpoint by Seven himself not to show it on TV. Are you so sure about seven now?
Well, he's better than you.
Gah!