Charlie the Unicorn
Charlie the Unicorn is a classic example of a guy with a computer and waaaay too much time on his hands. He was probably watching My Little Pony and suddenly got an idea for a random, stupid video involving colorful unicorns, other "magical" creatures, and general stupidity. He created it, and then posted the badly animated, stupid video on YouTube, for the world to see. Every day, Charlie the Unicorn scars even more people for life. But does anyone try to get rid of the video? No. Why? See section 2.
About the YouTube Video
Cast
Charlie
“Okay, fine! I'll go into the freakin' Candy Cave! This had better be good...”
“Alright guys, you do know that there's no actual Candy Mountain, right?”
Charlie is a very sarcastic, boring, gray unicorn. He has nothing better to do than sleep in a field all day. He can't be bothered by any other unicorns. He likes to rain on others' parades. He is one nasty unicorn.
Pink and Blue Unicorns
“Charlie, Chaarrllliiieeee, Charlie, Char––”
“But you have to enter the Candy Mountain Candy Cave, Charlie!”
One word can describe these two: Idiots. They talk weird, and it seems that all they say is "Candy Mountain". They are also stupid looking.
The "Magical" Leoplerodon, Charlie
You don't want to know... but if you're still curious, read this: Magical leopleradon.
The Dancing Letters From Candy Mountain
Again, you don't want to know...
The "Candy Mountain Cave" Song
That's right -- They don't just dance, they sing! If you think you can handle the stupidity and randomness of these lyrics, then, well... go ahead and read 'em. But remember that the Surgeon General has determined that this song, especially combined with the music on the video, is dangerous to your (mental) health.
If, at any time while you are reading this, you experience a powerful urge to sing and/or dance, quit your internet browser immediately and go drink something with a lot of caffeine.
Well, here goes:
(roll music)
- Oh, when you're down and looking for some cheering up
- Then just head right on up to the Candy Mountain Cave!
- When you get inside you'll find yourself a cheery land!
- Such a happy and joy-filled and perky merry land!
- They've got lollipops and gummy-drops and candy things
- Oh so many things that will brighten up your day!
- It's impossible to wear a frown in Candy Town!
- It's the mega of love in Candy Cave!
- They've got jellybeans and coconuts with little hats!
- Candy rats, chocolate bats
- It's a wonderland of sweets!
- Ride the Candy Train to town and hear the Candy Band
- Candy Bells, it's a treat as they march across the land!
- Cherry ribbons stream across the sky and and to the ground
- Turn around, it astounds
- It's the dancing Candy Tree
- In the Candy Cave imagination runs so free!
- So now Charlie please will you go into the cave?
Are you dead yet? Hello? Hello?
... And Charlie has claimed yet another victim.
About the Video Itself...
If you have a bright future ahead of you, don't watch this video! You will absolutely ruin it (your future, that is).
Well, if you must know...
Most of the beginning consists of the Pink and Blue unicorns trying to convince Charlie to go to Candy Mountain. They finally succeed. They walk through the woods, singing a dumb song with no words. They meet a "magical" leoplerodon, which shows them the way. They cross a bridge. Charlie gets a splinter. They reach Candy Mountain, which is actually a big, pink cave. Charlie refuses to enter the cave. Some letters sing a song, then blow up. Charlie finally goes into the cave...
Spolier
(Only read this if you want to know the ending!)
And he gets beat up, and something/somebody takes his "freakin'" kidney out. The end.
Charlie is Being Used for Evil!
“Mwhahahahaha!!!!”
Yeah, in the video, Charlie is grumpy. But there is more to him that you would think. The creator of Charlie the Unicorn is using Charlie for his own evil needs. His goal is to turn all teenagers into mindless idiots (and he's doing a pretty good job -- have you seen teenagers lately?). True, scientists and other "professionals" blame this on video games, caffeine, etc... but really, it is all Charlie's fault.
How Can We Stop Charlie?
We can't. Get over it.
There Must be a Way
No, there isn't.
Are You Sure?
Are You Positive?
Yes! Why are you arguing with yourself you little fool! Why aren't you arguing with yourself? Well maybe I don't want to, dick for brains! Well then you're a fool'
Are You Positively Positive?
Shut the heck up, moron.
If You Actually Want to Watch it...
Watch the original Charlie the Unicorn here.
If You're Bored of the Original Version
... Here's a page of different ones. But some of them may be exactly the same as the original one... so be careful. "Charlie the Unicorn"
If You're Bored of the Remakes
They actually made a sequel ... "Charlie the Unicorn 2"