Christopher Columbus

Christopher Columbus is a guy that discovered what we now call America (though he actually landed in the Bahamas, but we don't talk about that). He was an Italian man whose name, smoothness, and ring will never be matched. At the time of Columbus, people thought the Earth was flat; in the 1400's, geography teachers didn't tell them that a map isn't actually how Earth looked. Columbus said, "I think this world isn't flat" and everyone thought he was crazy. They said, "You gonna fall off!" He was all like, "No I ain't! Cuz this Earth ain't flat bitchesss!!" And he somehow convinced a bunch of guys to come with three ships to what he thought was India because, you know, it's necessary to bring three ships when you're making a simple journey across an ocean.

I mean, there must have been a viable reason for bringing the Nina and the Pinta. Clearly the Santa Maria was brought due to it's awesome name but the others had to have a reason. I'll find out later. So Columbus finally reached what he thought was India and called those there "Indians". Stupid motherfucker. He promised the "Indians" gold and such. He came back like a year later and killed the bitches. That's G. G-A-N-G-S-T-E-R. So he eventually died and was credited for discovering America which really doesn't make any sense because the Natives were there first. Oh well. And all of those "Indians" he didn't kill died of smallpox. Christopher Columbus freaking invented biological warfare. THAT'S awesome. Christopher Columbus really didn't find India but what he did find was his place in the hearts of those who like gangsterish acts.

Oh and there's also this director with that name. He directed the first two Harry Potters or something. pt:Cristóvão Colombo