Duncanism

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The Plan

Since the dawn of time man has walked on the moon. Despite the risk of solar radiation, pointy craters and exploding due to vacuumous conditions, man walked onwards towards Zion. Around that time a lazy young boy named Duncan decided he would trick the walkers into giving him a space suit and carrying him to Zion. By staging a fake alien landing and by wearing a convincing disguise made out of tissue paper and stage make-up he tricked the walkers into believing he was E.Tee. He told them that he knew of the almighty creator and that if they gave him a space suit and carried his weak feeble body to Zion he would show them the light.

The Bait

He told the people of the wonderful following of Duncanism and made this promise to te people as a reward for their faith:

• "I Duncan give you feeble peasants the oppurtunity of a lifetime! For only all of your wealth and pocessions I will give you eternal glory and show you the light"

_{:Eternal glory and light showings not guaranteed. Terms and conditions apply suckers!}

The Trap

Being devout Duncanists they overloked the small print and pampered their hero until they reached Zion. Upon reaching Zion Duncan announced that the light would be shown to them at sunset but he required an extra large moon buggy for it to work. The villagers anticipated the moment throughout the entire day and conversations took place in hushed whispers. Eventually Sunset arrived and on the highest mountain of Zion Duncan loaded up the spacebuggy with the walkers pocessions as part of a sacred ritual. He stood out of the sunroof of the buggy in front of the awed crowd. He said in a voice dramaticafied intensely through his 'Teeny Tot's voice dramaticafier': "PEOPLE I GIVE YOU THE LIGHT!!" And without a single word he took a torch out of his pocket and shone it's light at the stunned villagers. With an uproarious laugh he put his foot down and drove the pocession laden buggy out of zion away from the murderous villagers.

The Mass Killing and murderence of Duncan, with the hurting and the breakin,smashing -gahoy!

However his plan had a flaw, on the day of the Alien landing he had to baby-sit his sister. Angered by her exclusion from the plan she told the conned walkers where Duncan's secret hidey-hole was. Duncan was later slaughtered and his assetts seized. Nonetheless the Duncanism following carried on. Two years later with the emergence of the Duncanist holy book and Duncan's telling autobiography Duncanist's took over the moon and it's preciouss cheese.