Ettfred the frog
Once upon a time there was a poor woman (frog) by the name of Frogamum. She had married a gugoolee (or a large possum) by the name of Seedeegeeheejee. He left her while she was expecting a child.
DRIVE YOU TO THE THEATRE!
THE THEATRE WAS LARGE GYMNASIUM. No it was a hospital. Frogamum was walking along when she came down with a cold. This was no ordinary cold. it was labor. She gave birth to the child in the gymnasium. Her doctor was a cloud and was of no help. Frogamum left her child on the side of the road to die.... or become a hobo.
The Life and Times of Ettfred
The child grew up under the wing of a hobo named Geert. Geert named this child Ettfred and ran off. Ettfred grew up stealing from old ladies after sleeping with them. This was a sad life, but an easy one. Eventually Ettfred had become sick with the flu. HE died. A passing Monk threw his body in a manhole. Ettfred then puked out his soul to the alligators in the sewer. An alligator ate it....... and now Ettfred was an alligator. He killed himself by drowning in urine. Then he puked up his soul into his old frog body. He was alive again? YAY?
Ettfred runs into a word
Ettfred climbed out of the sewers only to see the word PHOTOSYNTHESIS staring at him. PHOTOSYNTHESIS then walked away to stare at a sunflower. Ettfred continued to go where he meant to go which was to the store to buy a house, some food, a chair, a cat, a computer, and a guy named Poppy. Unfortunately he had no money. BUT LUCKY FOR HIM THERE WAS A SALE ON ALL THOSE THINGS! they were all 1 cent. Then he found a penny on the ground!
Life: A start
Ettfred loved his new belongings. He cherished them. Then one day he won the lottery with a ticket he found on the ground. Things were turning around. Since he was a millionaire now, he could change other people's lives. Ettfred always wanted to be a famous painter. All he needed to do was cut off his ear, smear the blood on paper, and then sell it to a museum. Risky, but worth it..... He tried it, and it was a big success.
Life: An awesomeness
Ettfred the frog would have more astonishing works of art is his career like the "Head on a Pike Licking an Unusually Large Possum" (seen below).
That one sold for millions. Ettfred got married, had children, and then even began a career in singing. Some of his songs included: I Love Your Hamburger, May I Have It? Please Give Me More KetCHUM! and the most famous..... Appalled By That Brownie.
Life: a mother
Ettfred had a mother he never knew. Frogamum was walking down the street one day, when Ettfred noticed she had the same mouth and nose as him. (they had no noses)
Ettfred then hugged his mother and walked off. Frogamum was confused. Ettfred chased his mother, but he was too late.... his mother was named Jeffery. Is this the END FOR ETTFRED?
I think not.
Ettfred was shocked. Ettfred went home to his family to relax when he saw a weird rat with a camera following! "WHAT DO YOU WANT?" Said Ettfred with a raised broom in his hand. "Well I couldn't help but notice that you live in a box with a million dollar bill that is actually an orange peel that says 1 million on it. And you bring it everywhere you go asking if you can buy stuff with it. Oh also, when the clerk says no, you hit them with a beer bottle and steal their stuff. So I followed you home and saw that you have a box of pencils you treat like they are your children. And that piece of string you sleep with, I suppose that is your wife." The rat said. "LIES LIE LIES LIAR" Ettfred replied. "I have also noticed you try and sell your 'works of art' on the streets. Haven't you noticed, no one will buy ripped candy wrappers with faces drawn on them?"
It was true. Ettfred was insane. He wasn't rich and he had no family.
Suicide
Ettfred was confused. So confused, that he tried to kill himself. He screamed.... took a revolver that he found on a police officer that was sleeping, and killed everyone in sight. He killed the dog that slept on his porch, he killed the lady who sold drugs to children, and he killed the hot dog man. Last to kill was himself. Sadly, he could not point the gun at himself, so he ran to the edge of town where there was a cliff. he threw himself over the cliff......... and then died. Bold text
Bold text
Well bold text later took up a career in wrtiting for The Times. He failed and ended up similar to Ettfred who secretly had none of that happen. It was all a dream. He woke up in the hobos box as a small child. Then he ended with the exact life I wrote. It's kinda like Final Destination. If you have seen that movie. The person sees whats about to happen and it ends up with them all dying. Ya.