IllogiBooks:The U.S. History You Never Learned in School/Britain comes
Great Britain was a humble country. They were not about hostile takeovers, taxing tea or any of that stuff Americans stereotype them with. They came to the Americas for hope of world domination and expansion of their ever-growing empire. See, that is not really that bad, is it?
Humble Beginnings
Britain, under the rule of King Michael Jackson III, came to Florida to sell some custard seeds to the Indians, as Columbus billed them, for some quick profit. Then, a meteor came and Stephen Colbert decided to blow everything up. Soon, Colbert helped Britain take over the Americas without having to eat Indians.[1] Some day, Britney Spears decided to help Britain and Britain got 13 American colonies and a bunch of cheeseburgers from Venus and Mars.
Colonial Settlement
Britain settled the colonies and decided to take their magic wands and teleport a whole bunch of ugly people there to populate their colonies and drink tea.[2] Steven Colber, cousin of Stephen Colbert, came along and even ordered a pizza from Pluto to feed the Americans, as they were now billed by King Jackson.
The "Official" Textbook Version
Usually, we do not include the original version, but here it is: Britain came to send debtors, prisoners and bad people there. They wanted money and to become a superpower.[3]
Guided Practice Questions
1. 2+2=
2. True or False: China is rich.
3. True or False: Great Britain sent debtors to America
Footnotes
- ↑ It is noted that Indians were eaten by a couple of hungry soldiers, but no one cares about that.
- ↑ Coffee was not popular back then. It was not popularized until Jimmy Folger and Maxwell House came along.
- ↑ Well, everyone knows this "official" story presented in American schools, but not the real story.