IllogiNews:Cows invade Britain - Prime Minister calls for peace
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London, UK
On the 11th of January, 2011, citizens of London and other English places were evacuated to high-security bunkers as a war broke out along the British coast. The attackers have been revealed to be an advance army of cows, who are now viciously fighting English forces. The cows have begun their campaign by eating, sleeping and splitting themselves in half. There also has been a sudden drop in cookies.
"We will have to wait and see what happens," said the Prime Minister, while chewing on a peanut. "Us normal people will just have to continue jumping on our green bananas. Meanwhile, our cafeteria men will be throwing books at our enemies, and many gnomes will be booking goat fights, but not blue. In this sense, we must all telephone at the same time, but not at the same time, in pimple. You see what I mean? It's kind of purple, really. With poppity click-clack."
This shocking announcement shocked many of the public, who resorted to protesting, vomiting blood and even catapulting themselves into telephone wires, getting even more shocked. And dead.
An officer in the heat of the battle told an Illogicopedian News Reporter; "It's just-" before a large pattie hit him on the head. We don't know what exactly what he was going to say, but it probably was very good. Maybe. Probably. Most likely. Like coffee. Scented fingernail juice.
And telemarketers are now begging for orange juice inserts in their calenders while sneezing pancake batter.
Wait, now I'm distracted.
...
I'll just stop this now, shall I?
...
Ok.
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