IllogiNews:Man beaten by potato croquette
This article is part of IllogiNews, your sauce for chips and sausages. |
29 Jumbly 2008
Huddersfield, England. 42-year-old family man Dave Smith was today recovering in hospital after an incident involving a potato croquette in which he cheated death. As he was about to stick his fork in his evening meal, the croquette began spitting and bubbling before emitting a high pitched wine. A shocked family looked on in horror as the potato mutated into a human-like form right before their eyes.
The mutato proceeded to punch Smith in the jaw, knocking him out cold in an instant. Thankfully the family were able to neutralise the croquette's threat using tomato sauce and three tea towels which caused the potato to disintegrate into a putrid mess. Smith was rushed to Huddersfield Royal Infirmary, where doctors battled for minutes to eat away the three inch thick layer of creamy potato that covered the whole of the man's head using special forks and a very fat man.
A clearly shocked Smith later said from his hospital bed:
- "That's the last time I'm getting my food from Tesco."
Tesco refused to comment on the situation but assured customers that all their genetically modified food has been thoroughly tested on rats.
Sources
- Heinz tomato ketchup
- The Daily Sport