IllogiVenture
Made by Illogicom (C) Copyright Silent Penguin, Forever-Forever > read title ILLOGICOPEDIA: THE LEGEND OF BARRY SCOTT You are in a strange room of various bananas. The scene is red beyond poignition. The chair in here is indeed 10, and the famous blogger is here. What do you do? > SAY "PENGUIN" A hollow voice echoes, "Fool," > SAY "ASEMA" At your service! > INVENTORY You are carrying: a thoroughly rusted thoroughly corroded knife > ENGRAVE "FLAMEVIPER" IN FLOOR You stab your knife into the floor. It snaps before you can finish the "L." > PRAY You begin praying to Hindleyite. You are surrounded in a golden glow. "Hark, mortal! To enter the castle, thou must play the right tune!" > PRAY "Thou durst call upon me?" The voice of Hindleyite echoes. "Then die, mortal!" A phantom of Hindleyite appears! > READ SPELLBOOK You know the following spells: Thwack, Kathwack, Shoom, Kashoom, Water Pee > CAST THWACK You cast Thwack, using up eight charges and destroying the phantom. Hindleyite seems mollified at your show of mojo. > PRAY "To enter the castle, thou must play a fluid tune!" The voice of Hindleyite thunders. > SAY "GOD DAMNIT" "Fine, fine." A greatsword appears at your feet! > SAY "HEY, THANKS!" Thanks says, "Yes?" > SAY "I GOT A NEW SWORD!" Thanks says, "cool!" > SAY "HEY, NICE HEAD! I THINK I'LL TAKE IT!" Thanks says, "Wha?" > LOP OFF THANKS' HEAD You take Thanks' head as "treasure." > GO INTO ILLOGICOPEDIA You go into Illogicopedia. The grand foyer is lined with various toiletries such as shampoo and Auld Tay Bridge Stotch. The place is calm and cheese. > PERFORM SINISTER RITUAL You perform the evil ritual. The Mortiverse appears! > KILL MORTIVERSE WITH SWORD You slash at the mortiverse. > HOW MUCH DAMAGE DID I DO? Nothing. The mortiverse is omniscient, omnicompetent, omnipresent, and invincible, can do anything, is immune to magic, is immune to damage, is a god, can kill WWMDCGCG just by looking at it the wrong way, owns Silent Penguin and everything he owns, could destroy Illogicopedia and 348,534 other wikis in one breath, can make as many wishes as it wants, and is the supreme being. Also, the mortiverse, being three times larger than the universe, possesses an aura of extreme gravity. You are killed instantly. Have a nice death! But wait... The mortiverse decides it's a bit busy doing deeds beyond your comprehension to perform the effortless task of making sure you don't get to RESTORE. So, you get to continue. The mortiverse dissappears! > ENGRAVE FLAMEVIPER IN FLOOR You summon Flameviper. Things become more... turn based. > TAKE TURN Done. > ATTACK FLAMEVIPER WITH SWORD You strike at Flameviper with your blade, inflicting a minor wound. Flameviper condenses four squares into one, attacks with two swords, and both let out a howl! RAPID SMASH! Oh, wait, that's my attack. Okay, then, HELLFIRE! You take great wounds. > SUMMON ANTACRIA Out from the darkness steps Antacria, ready to your bidding for a little while. Antacria summons up a fierce Whoricane. Flameviper is inunidated with Chechenean prostitutes and takes medium wounds. He then gets ready to use Omega Pulse. > OH SHIT! I SUMMON FEMVIPER! You summon Femviper. You and Antacria hide! Flameviper looks around to make sure no one is watching; finding none, he unzips his pants. I'm not even going to bother describing what happens. Continuing on, he is now very satiated from the ten sammiches Femviper made him. Now's your chance! > CAST KATHWACK You cast Kathwack, doling out immense wounds to Flameviper. Flameviper notices your presences and then cuts off your head. Antacria takes his turn before you die of blood loss, and heals you back up to a couple hit points. > USE FALUN GONG You clap your hands and outstretch two fingers. An 8-bit gong appears out of nowhere and strikes Flameviper for quite the hefty blow. Flameviper hates Falun Gongs, so you've pissed him off. He casts Banish on Antacria, who returns to the Realm of Illogic. > CAST WATER PEE You drop your magical pants and pee on Flameviper with some water-based "spells." He takes great wounds, and decides to just let you win. You've won the battle! You get the Kusanagi. > EQUIP KUSANAGI Done. > OKAY, WHAT'S MY GOAL? To not die. Duh. Just for asking such a stupid question, the Rectus Dominus appears! > KILL RECTUS DOMINUS The Rectus Dominus is immune to swords. He lurches at you, ready to master your ass. Uh-oh... > CAST KATHWACK You have no charges remaining. The last of your energy falls from you, and you fall to your knees, exhausted. The Rectus Dominus lurches towards you, and begins to remove your cloak. The Rectus Dominus turns you onto your stomach. > WHAT, I DON'T GET MY TURN? When you run out of magical energies, you go to sleep. Simple as. NOW it's your turn. > SEARCH Searching the area, you find a scroll. > READ SCROLL The scroll reads: "DESTROY." Suddenly, Jesus appears and, as he is a powerful mage, blasts the Rectus Dominus to oblivion. He does have a price in mind, though... > SAY "WHAT?" Jesus does not speak. Instead, he points to a magical portal, to the east. > DAMNIT, ASEMA, JESUS DOES TALK! Okay, then, smarthole, a million mortiverses appe-- > OKAY, OKAY! I GO THROUGH THE PORTAL! Thought you might. You arrive inside a desolate steak. The texture is brown and uneven, and the cook has prepared it with something that looks like it's half vegetable and half crap. You see here a dusty tome and a shovel. > TAKE SHOVEL Taken. > READ TOME You read the tome. You learn how to go to the Illogical Realm. > CAST ILLOGIPROJECTION Your chest heaves and shudders. Slumping to the floor, you fade from consciousness. You lift up as a wisp of pure illogic, and can see everything you never saw before; IRC extracts, monkey fish banana trees, and more. > HUG ASEMA The Dungeon Master loves hugs! A paparoise spellbook appears where your feet would be. > TAKE SPELLBOOK Sorry, you're in a different plane of existence. That might be a tad difficult. > SIGH You sigh with exasperated detachment. > INVENTORY What do you need of worldly possessions? You've been freed of the burden of body, now be free of material wealth! > OKAY. I CAN'T TAKE ITEMS, I CAN'T CAST SPELLS (PROBABLY), I CAN'T USE ITEMS, I PROBABLY CAN'T FIGHT.. SO HOW LONG IS THIS GOING TO LAST? Until Testostereich cleans the moon. ... Suddenly, a great shine envelopes you. The world be screamin'! The moon be beamin'! You find yourself back in your normal form. > TAKE SPELLBOOK You take the spellbook. > READ SPELLBOOK You read the spellbook. You know "Water Pee" quite well already. You learn how to cast Summon Tea, a lower-level version of Summon Coffee; you learn how to cast Warp. You learn how to perform Megiddo. > HOLY CRAP! MEGIDDO! Yes. Megiddo. If only because I find watching a little text dude scream "MEGIDDO!" while hitting someone with the sun funny. > SCREAM "MEGIDDO!" You summon the sun and start beating the portal with it. > _ |