January 4, 1995
“Roll 212!”
January 4, 1995 was, in a sense, the end of American republicanism. On this date, America officially went down the tubes. One may wonder why this is so. One may say that Herman Cain did a gospel performance that merged the good Lord with a pepperoni pizza, and made the Baby Jesus upset. Also, one may point to Bill Clinton, and the ignoramus he was before he cheated on his wife. Also, Saddam Hussein was destroying villages in eye rack, and George Dubya Bush wasn't there yet to stop him. It was also precisely when Al Gore invented teh internets. Mitt Romney also had something important to do with it, but he just wasn't enough of a mitt to keep the old lady's hand from burning yet. Al Sharpton was also some dude who wasn't on MSNBC and impersonated by Kenan Thompson. It also was the day the Antichrist was born. No, I'm not kidding you. Look it up. It's there.
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