Paul Revere
One night Paul Revere was riding on Pegasus when he saw some
so then he texted his friend George the following message:
OMG U GUYZ THE BRITISH ARE COMING THE BRITISH ARE COMING THE BRITISH ARE COMING THE BRITISH ARE COMING THE BRITISH ARE COMING THE BRITISH ARE COMING THE BRITISH ARE COMING THE BRITISH ARE COMING THE BRITISH ARE COMING THE BRITISH ARE COMING THE BRITISH ARE COMING THE BRITISH ARE COMING THE BRITISH ARE COMING THE BRITISH ARE COMING THE BRITISH ARE COMING THE BRITISH ARE COMING THE BRITISH ARE COMING THE THE BRITISH ARE COMING THE BRITISH ARE COMING THE BRITISH ARE COMING THE BRITISH ARE COMING!!!!!11one1
Then everyone accused him of lying. Then they found out he wasn't when they got their teeth kicked in hard by the filthy British mongrels. Knowing that Paul would never stop boasting about how he was right and tried to warn them, the Founding Fathers bronzed him at the age of 38 and put him on a bronzed statue of a horse because they thought he looked better that way. He and the horse statue he is forever riding are currently on display at the Museum Of Living People That Were Bronzed Against Their Will And Turned Into Historically Important Statues.
Paul Revere is also remembered for his contributions to medicine in which he was the first to point out that if you have Zerg Queens and Overlords flying around, then it's time to clean your bong. Zerg Queens, he said, could turn your family into Zerg-spore infected suicide soldiers that will make your bong dirtier. He was also the first person to medically advise against the drinking of fishtank water. Nobody believed him at the time because he wasn't a doctor and didn't dress in a Chewbacca suit while advising this.
The true story of Paul Revere
He, personally, hung two lanterns, seven candles, eight floodlights, a disco ball and several glowsticks from the old north church as part of an elaborate secret code to communicate how the British were coming. One if by land, two if by sea, three if by submarine, four if by magical airship and five if by stretch limousine.