Tesco Value beans and sausages
Tesco Value beans and sausages are in fact the insides of a Dutch cow's stomach. Like gutbutter, they are bright orange and can cause untold damage to one's liver if not consumed in moderation or the recommended fashion. The product's label suggests you first drink a bottle of Milk of Magnesia and wait five minutes before eating in order to reduce the swelling/stomach explosion which invariably follows. Failure to follow this procedure can result in the loss of a kidney, living room carpet or even life.
Tesco Value beans and sausages are incredibly cheap, so much so they are affordable to anyone, even homeless people. Although Tesco claims this to be a generous move on their part, the actual reason an average tin costs 6 pence is because nobody would buy them otherwise. There is also a 'Finest' option priced at a more sensible 43p, but these are not recommended as they contain rat droppings, a fact evidenced by the product's ingredients list, which can be found inside the tin. After all, they wouldn't sell a single bean if they printed them on the outside.
Tesco beans and sausages' 89% salt level makes it the saltiest product on the market, saltier even than sodium chloride (common table salt) which contains a whopping 8% less. This increases the likelihood of death, but can also lead to a state of nirvana in which you are floating through a field of daisies and eternal sunshine but are actually having a fit on the kitchen floor. It is the only occasion where scientists have observed a high street supermarket canned product to have hallucinogenic properties yet passed the product for mainstream sale, mostly because the only people likely to suffer are the very stupid. The poor, on the other hand, now have a cheap legal high with absolutely no chance of addiction. I mean, have you ever tasted the stuff? I know I have.