Bacon
“Say 'beer can' quickly and it sounds like a West Indian saying 'bacon'”
Bacon is the stuff left over after they recycle plastic bottles. It is quite tasty, once properly cooked.
History of bacon
Bacon was first discovered in some random, ancient year, that no one really cares about but is only paid attention to because of the discovery of bacon, by a angsty teenaged idiot working at a cheese factory. He found that if enough plastic wrappers were shoved into a cheese grater, bacon would come out. He only realized this due to a horrendous accident involving six cardboard Asian drink boxes and a computer mouse. Upon discovery, he promptly ate it before sitting down and theorizing that cheese graters work essentially the same way as plastic recyclers do, thus leading him to quit his current job as a cheese grater and start his own bacon company.
Bacon today
Today, bacon is widely publicized as a by-product of pork. This is a false statement that the main cause of little children becoming vegetarians.
Remember, children. It's only plastic bottles.
And bottle caps.
And maaaaaagic.
Bacon gives you cancer
Oh crud, that's actually true, maybe I should remove it before someone notices...