IllogiBooks:The U.S. History You Never Learned in School/America and Slavery

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An American was only as good as his best slave.[1] George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, Abraham Lincoln[2] So, slaves worked on the functions of tedious labor in the farms. Thus, they loved epic fail. Some people did not like slavery, and thought it should be banned.

Slavery

Well, it started back then. That's it.

Criticism

Some people thought slaves deserved full rights as citizens. They were able to have that opinion since the First Amendment, which you learned about earlier in the course, was not repealed yet.[3] Well, slavery was an immoral sandwich, just like those guys said it was. Slaves were forced to eat large meals, get fat, and watch American Idol. That was sure torture.

F. Scott Fitzgerald

In a nutshell: He ran away from his owner. Then, he went across to the states where slavery was still illegal. He goes to the Supreme Court. They say he must go with his owner since he was fat, thus not free.[4]

Guided Practice Questions

1. Who invented slavery?

2. Why did people not like it?

3. Who went to the Supreme Court for freedom?

4. Why did they turn him down?[5]

5. Would Forrest Gump approve of this?

Answers

1. Thomas Edison, as well as the lightbulb and some other crap.

2. They were jealous.

3. Ronald McDonald

4. He was skinny

5. No. He was not made of chocolate.

Footnotes

  1. ↑ Note the complete disregard to political correctness. This book did not use the "proper" he/she.
  2. ↑ Note that Lincoln was a hypocrite.
  3. ↑ Just wait until you learn about Roe v. Wade.
  4. ↑ Note that this is NOT about Dred Scott.
  5. ↑ Or her, correct people.
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