Oxygen

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Oxygen is essential for the life of nearly all living creatures. Regarded as "God's crack" by scientists, most human children are born addicted to it and are fated to live a life of addiction in search of their next fix.

Oxygen can be substituted for feelings of love in times of emergency, however clinical trials of the generic substitute sexual frustration have also been promising. It is also an essential ingredient in TV cooking and many believe that it helps keep Martha Stewart alive.