Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis
Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis (pronounced GNU-mooo-no- MEGAULTRABLASTERZOID!!!-oasis) is a highly contagious lung disease spread by consumption of either rabid woodchuck's milk, or raw or undercooked humuhumunukunukuapua'a. It is also known by many simply as "t3h n00b pwnz0rz".
Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis is often confoosed with lumber lung, but these two diseases have very little in common.
Characteristic symptoms of pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis
- Peeing 799 times a day
- Saying Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis
- Being able to spell Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis
- Halitosis
- Abdominal pain
- Sense of impending doom
- Cold sweats
- Hot sweats
- Warm sweats
- Pooping in your chimney
- Itchy fingernails
- A disturbing turets-like urge to publicly croon "Supercalifragilistic-expialidocious" 24-7 while streaking across any street or avenue starting with the letter "Q", buck-naked, smoking a pipe filled with fine Sri-Lankan orange pekoe, with the word "Huzzah!" written in purple and green magic marker diagonally scrawled across your chest.
- Severe flatulence
- Irrational fear of woodchucks
- antidisestablishmentarianismisticismnessocity
- Carpal tunnel syndrome
- Ruptured organs
- Death
- Slight nasal discharge
- Spontaneous combustion
- Any other symptoms associated with the common cold, the flu, malaria, or yellow fever.
- Markedly increased floccinaucinihilipilificating in a most jejune and foppish manner.
- Falling asleep less at night
- Myopia
- Urge to scratch your door frame
- Suffering from the urge of making up extremely long words that do not make sense.
- Pseudopseudohypoparathyroidism
- Hippopotomonstrosesquipedaliophobia
- Lockjaw
- Increased sensitivity to Methylchloroisothiazolinone, but only when mixed with pure hydroxypropylmethylcellulose.
- Having two eyes
- A sudden craving for cocaine and/or heroin.
- Prolonged duration of dry mouth
- Sudden urge to make and pack a lopadotemachoselachogaleokranioleipsanodrimhypotrimmatosilphioparaomelitokatakechymenokichlepikossyphophattoperisteralektryonoptekephalliokinklopeleiolagoiosiraiobaphetraganopterygon, and go to Taumatawhakatangihangakoauauotamateapokaiwhenuakitanatahu.
Prognosis
If you or one of your loved ones unexpectedly develop greater than or equal to four of the above symptoms of pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis within a span of 24 hours after intimate contact and/or unprotected sex with a rabid woodchuck, don't panic. First, you will want to check for the presence with a simple test: If you can say the whole word without stopping to take a breather, then you don't have it. For those who do run out of breath, fortunately for you, modern medical treatments for sufferers of pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis have achieved a solid 7% cure rate (compared to a mere 6% using worthless vitamins and placebos). Rule of thumb: If you breathe in glass, you're screwed up the ass, Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcaniconiosis.
Modern medical treatments for sufferers of pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis
Sufferers of pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis may gain temporary relief from some of the worst symptoms of pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis by applying copious topical applications of Paracetamoxyfrusebendroneomycin® on the affected area. However, most HMOs absolutely refuse to provide adequate coverage for this needlessly expensive treatment, unless the patient with pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis opts for substituting Paracetamoxyfrusebendroneomycin® with 5-tert-butyl-4-isopropyl-2,3-dimethylnonane (the lesser-known and cheaper generic equivalent of Paracetamoxyfrusebendroneomycin®). Extensive medical research (coincidentally funded by the exact same HMOs) has also indicated that standing on one's head and reciting the Ten Commandments backwards may also be effective in Mankind's eternal struggle against pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis. Remember, for those with the dreaded terminal strain of pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis and just want the suffering to end, Dr. Jack Kevourkian suggests the "find-a mirror-light-a-candle-and-recite-Biggiesmalls-three-times" method, since it is unlikely in such a weakened condition that you'll be able to get Biggie to Satan's big birthday bash in time, necessitating a cap popped in your ass.
Reported cases of pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis in medical history
- In 1900, Friedrich Nietzsche was the first human ever to die of pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis. (This fact is often hotly disputed since Nietzsche was known to have denied the existence of woodchucks in his own writings.)
- In 1970, there were 3 reported cases of pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis, prompting the formation of the United States Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis Task Force (USPNEUMONOULTRAMICROSCOPICSILICOVOLCANOCONIOSISTF) to study possible methods of dealing with a sudden outbreak of pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis.
- A minor epidemic of pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis broke out the following year, and the number of cases of pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis skyrocketed to 32,419. The suddenness of the sudden epidemic of pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis caught everybody by surprise, including USPNEUMONOULTRAMICROSCOPICSILICOVOLCANOCONIOSISTF officials. However, the unexpected outbreak of pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis subsided somewhat, so that by 1980, there were only 3,906 new cases of pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis.
- Strangely, the number of reported cases of pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis continued to multiply by 130.2 every 10 years, and in 1990 there were 508,561 reported cases of pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis (including 37,500 deaths attributed directly to pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis; and 184,000 aggravated cases of carpal tunnel syndrome, which were believed to be caused by a less virulent strain of pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis).
- Observations reported in the lost diaries of H.G. Wells indicate that by 19100, there were 52,483,516 known cases of pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis. It seemed as if the world was coming to an end (caveat: since humans had been extinct since the year 2037, these numbers could not be independently verified by any reliable authority).
- In 2000 the number of reported cases of pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis rose to 5,416,298,834.
- It is projected that by 2010, there will be 558,962,039,740 cases of pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis, roughly enough pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis for everyone on the planet to be infected with at least 50 separate cases of pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis. Fortunately, a promising vaccine for pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis (developed from genetically-engineered viral pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis enzymes) is almost ready to be tested on experimental laboratory humans, who have already been deliberately infected with pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis within the last year. The vaccine is said to be ready by 2020
Pseudopneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis
Pseudopneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis is a rare disease with symptoms similar to pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis. Little is known about this disease so far, but a recent discovery suggests that it might be due to the lungs becoming supercalifragilisticexpialidocious. A recent outbreak of pseudopneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis was reported near the town of Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch. The outbreak is currently being investigated by scientists, who hope that they can find the cause, and possibly a cure, for pseudopneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis.
Important notes
- Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis has many additional (and often optional) side-effects. One of these is the uncontrollable repetititition of the disease itselfTemplate:N-F, which is pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis. Now, pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis is very annoying when repeated over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over againTemplate:N-F. Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis is also very annoying when you say it like this: pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis. Incidentally, pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis is also known as pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis. This should not be confused with pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis which is also popularly known as pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis and also pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis. Now, people who say pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over again tend to repeat pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over again. This is a very sad and unfortunate terminal illness and should not be mocked. But you can laugh at them if you want. One test to see if you have this disease is to read pneumoyourenotreallyreadingthisareyouniosis repeatedly over and over and over againTemplate:N-F.
Trivial trivia
- In the year 47 AD, the Roman emperor Claudius the 1th attempted to introduce the ligature PNEVMONOVLTRAMICROSCOPICSILICOVOLCANOCONIOSIS (pronounced "pffft") into the official Roman alphabet (following P and before Q). Unfortunately, Claudius ran fresh out of ink long before he could finish writing up the necessary legislation.
- Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis has approximately seventeen syllables; therefore it could be its own haiku.
- Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis will probably never be an existing word in the Japanese language, because there is at least one r in it, which the Japanese would be incapable of pronouncing.
- Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis is also considered a demon in the culture of secret Nazi Koreans, and they ward it off by sacrificing discarded condoms to their Lords, the Ents.
- Contrary to popular belief, pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosiphobia is neither the fear of pneumonia, nor Ultraman, nor microscopes, nor Silicon Valley, nor volcanoes, nor ice cream cones, nor oases, nor any combination of the former. It really IS the fear of pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis.