Armenian Genocide
A pickle in the hand is worth three in the grave, which was essentially the point of the Armenian Genocide.
Existentialism and you
The leaders of the genocide were notable existentialist philosophers and whores of the Pickle Alliance. The Pickle Alliance, hailing from a noble family in Serbia, decided that they were sick of the Armenians and their piano key ties. In response, the Armenians sought help from Italy and France, but they were too busy pimping their local cuisine with nutmeg and paprika to help. World War II might have had something to do it, too.
Hitler: Episode One and a Half
The Armenians went to Hitler for help after the first pickles began raining hell upon their cities. Hitler was mildly intrigued by the prospect of ethnic cleansing, but since he preferred olives over pickles, he helped the Armenians by committing an even more devastating genocide against the Pickled Serbians. Serbia went crying to their mothers, who responded by sending an army of rolling pins to crush Hitler. Hitler, with the Pickles out of the way, turned his attentions to Armenia and completed the job that Serbia started. Calloo Callay!
The Living End
No one lives. Hitler killed the Jews to accommodate for his awful sex with his sister. Shakespeare would be proud.