Freeze frame popcorn
| The Popcorn Series |
Book One • Book Two • Book Three • Book Four (Alternative ending) |
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Sixteen years into the future: A brave mongoose named George takes over the world by killing all the popcorn kernels that existed. That is...... all except one! His name is O'op, an African kernel. He was Colonel Kernel O'op, who led many kernels against the forces of George.
Awakening
Fire blasted around him. He did not know where he was. All he knew was that kernels he knew were being popped. Just being popped dead. "I am bleeding" he thought... until he realized kernels have no blood. He knew he must get out of where ever he was. Where was he? He sat up. Only to see himself on the side of a mountain with lava oozing from the top towards him. "DEAF PEOPLE!!!" he screamed. "DEAF FREAKIN' PEOPLE!!!" He was delirious. He didn't notice the lava had surrounded him, or that he was surrounded by mongeese.
O'op's confusion
The enemies were closing in on him, before he could actually understand what was going on he was pulled up by a giant hand into the sky....
He dangled from the giant hand like a cheap toy in a fairground clawgrab machine. He had no idea what to do, no hope, and no mustache (the wind had blown it, a small piece of fluff, clean off of his face as he was snatched.) His intense Popcorn Survival Trainer described this kind of situation as "If only popcorn could crap their pants. If only popcorn had pants. Mmm, Ted Ba-keer." And that's when an idea hit him, O'op grabbed the little lightbulb above his head and smashed it over the idea. He pinned it down in the corner of his mind and swallowed it whole. "Popcorn Pants!" He could be a millionaire, he could be famous any scattered popcorn out there would be warm and covere-CRUNCH!!!!'
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O'op fainted in a honey-esque terror sweat. Narrowly dodging George's teeth he waited for death to come and embrace him in it's hydrochloric aciddy arms. Just as everything looked lost, and tasty, George's mum came in the room. George, who was meant to be doing homework tried to simultaneously shutdown the PS4, hide the slain popcorn crumbs, take his hand out of his trousers, remember the PS4 hadn't ben invented yet, and pull out a schoolbook. As you would expect he failed miserably, he choked on O'op and spat him out. He lay panting on the floor in front of his mum who was frowning and patting her rolling pin in her left hand threateningly.
A journey
O'op did not stay on the ground for long. As George was being beat by his mother, O'op fled for the door. At first he thought he could not escape, but he realized that the crack at the bottom of the door was big enough for him to slip under. As he ran down the hall way, he was being chased by a stupid dog. As O'op was running he thought to himself "why would a mongoose own a dog, if the mongoose is not even bigger. As a matter of fact the dog could kill a mongoose easily." Just then the dog poofed into thin air.
FREEDOM!
O'op ran outside the house and was instantly popped into popped corn. The heat was too intense. O'op was okay, though. He and his bloated body waddled down the street. Now that he was popped he-OH MY GOD, AND HE FLEW ON A CANDY WRAPPER INTO THE AIR! He was swept up by the wind. The next thing he knew he was 100 feet above the ground. He met many birds that tried to eat him, but he got away. Then he ran into an airplane that carried him many miles.
When the airplane eventually began to swoop downwards. He saw a sign that said welcome to hollywood on a building. Then some weird crazy man put him into a bag and threw him on the roof of a building. He said "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA" for about an hour even after he landed until he stopped being an idiot. Then he kept going to wherever he was meant to go, wherever that was. After recovering from the strange accident, O'op strolled off down the street and then..... he saw it. A fat, short guy who looked like a sci-fi freak. Peter Jackson. He was stuffing himself with hot dogs.
What he was made to do
He walked up to this strange creature. But was eaten immediately. Swallowed whole. He traveled for hours. You might think that he would be dissolved by acids, but no, he was just clogged in the stomach with many other pieces of food. This is why Peter is so fat, he doesn't poop. Then he knew that he must entertain these poor pieces of food, with nothing to do. "I know! I will make movies. All the equipment is here, he must have swallowed all his cameras!" O'op realised. O'op quickly paused for a second, in order to scratch himself.
O'OP THE MOVIE! COMING TO A BARGAIN BASEMENT NEAR YOU, maybe
O'op grabbed the camera with one puffy arm and grabbed a 1p cola bottle sweet with the other. Downing the protesting cola bottle in one gulp he was ready. Well... where did he start? Everyone knows that every film director starts with something avantgarde. So O'op filmed half a microphone slowly fall down Mr. Jackson's esophagus. This was a big hit to the food. The amazed fans gave him millions of dollars for his accomplishment. (The money was down there because whenever Peter Jackson wants something new to eat, he eats his money) O'op kept making films of odd things like a toy soldier's journey to the small intestine, and a mucus covered garbage bag who falls in love with a dead rat, and many many other things. O'op was living in the lime light until one day....
AHHHH
O'op felt a shake.... he knew what was happening.... he was being vomited out! He and all his friends were being shot out the mouth at top speeds into the ocean. (Peter Jackson was sea sick on a cruise ship) Struggling for life, the huge pile of food, house hold appliances, and filming tools were swimming to the nearest shore. They eventually made it to Africa by floating on a dead whale that was poisoned by the vomit.
A family reunion
A bunch of natives found O'op the kernel and brought him to his village. Here he found the muskrat that was his mother. ....Somehow. His mother found him tied up on a pole when he was about to be sacrificed by natives. His mother had gnawed the string and let him free. She then brought O'op to her house where O'op met I'ik the base ball mit, He'eb the inch worm, U'uv the roll of tape, and Herb, the human who was locked in the basement. O'op was surprised that he had such an odd family.... let alone a family at all. After spending a week with his family, an insane walrus somehow ate his mother. So O'op and his three brothers (excluding Herb) left to go north.
O'op told his siblings of the wonderful journey he took where he made films and escaped a mongoose. I'ik then screamed "WHAT ABOUT ME" when he saw a bird feeding their babies from vomiting in their mouths. I'ik was then swooped up by the bird and brought to the nest. He lived happily ever after being fed by a vomiting mother.
A journey for three
O'op, He'eb, and U'uv traveled north to Turkey where U'uv decided to fly in the air somehow. He was eaten by I'ik who was trained to fly and hunt. He'eb then shot himself. O'op just forgot about it, and kept walking until he reached Norway. Then he ran into a portal and went to Argentina. Here he met Herb, the human who was locked in the cellar. "I thought you would starve!" Herb said. "NO, I WenT thE HOLE BaG!!!!!!" Herb then punched O'op. O'op awoke in the same stomach he was in not too long ago......
FLASH BACK!
After vomiting on the ship, Peter Jackson chased his vomit and ate it.... All of the vomit chunks were depressed because they thought they were free. Unfortunately they were not. A few weeks later, Peter Jackson went to Argentina on a vacation. O'op was on the same beach where he was punched. Peter, being the pig he is, found the last piece of his vomit, and ate it.... So now O'op is stuck in the stomach of Peter Jackson......
Of course O'op didn't mind, he was an inanimate piece of popcorn.
O'op battled his way across the acidy food islands of the stomach to the pancreas. He encountered apple core yetis and the dreaded kidney bean but the relentless ticking of his heart seed kept him going. At his lowest ebb O'op decided he would have to change his name to a more writer friendly word or phrase. Something like Poohead, Craterface, or even a far-out taboo like Roger. Though the current narrator was fine with this he hadn't okayed it with O'op's world's deity "Supremezorr the Mighty". He knocked down the stomach wall with his insence to Supremezorr.
Peter Jackson at this point was sitting on a smaller weaker child eating both of their lunches (as well as some of his own thirdhand vomit). A vast tremor encased his stomach, He suddenly stopped eating and looked up. The kid under him was trembling under the pressure of his bulk but Pete paid no attention to this. He'd felt something unusual. All seemed fine though. He looked down quickly to see if he'd dropped any food on one of the folds of his moobs. Past his several chins and a vast ladder of fat he could just make out a small wisp of smoke coming out of his belly button. The kid under him collapsed dead, he was quickly enfolded in the flabs and absorbed.
....
This narrator wishes to name O'op Po'op. But that would not be appropriate. Instead we can settle on Ted, wich is O'op's middle name. (his last name is Yuyipoytoretellyrethoo) O'op Ted Yuyipoytoretellyrethoo was still inside of Pete, when he saw a frog preaching inside of the colon. "We must let our souls be free," he said "We will squeeze out the not-so-active ANAL SPHINCTER into the lake our ancestors once spoke of!" Ted saw the croud was not too amused. The only response was half a carrot falling over. "I agree!" said O'op (Ted) And old Teddy went with the frog to the anal sphincter. "Well nothing is here other than the pile of rocks, a piano, the Epire State Building, and a..... Herb, is that you?" Ted's brother Herb was lodged in Peter Jacksons anus. "HOW?" Just then Ted realised Herb was mute.... in the ways of sanity.
Another human to travel through
The frog and Ted jumped into the mouth of Herb. At least there was a normal human exit here. They traveled to the stomach and through the intestines with no problems. And eventually came out and rolled into the city streets. The frog, filled with joy, ran into the streets and was immediately hit by a car. At least they were free thanks to the genious plan...
The explosion of Herb left our hero O'OpTed (Brenda on wednesdays) stuck to the underside of a car wheel. Ted didn't know what to do, he had about a 1000th of a second to think and he'd spent 2/3rds of the time picking his butt. He needed to think. Putting every ounce of crunchy goodness into his plan Ted came to his answer. He was saved! Just that moment, as Ted realised the brilliantly flawless course of action he should take, the car's wheel completed a whole revolution and smooshed him.
.... Or did it?
A small crumb of him crawled onto the sidewalk, and planted itself in the ground (as if he was a seed. Get it?)...... Ted was reborn a year later as an entire corn on the cob....
CONTINUED in part two!
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