IllogiZoo:Pumpkin
| Pumpkin | ||
|---|---|---|
| File:Fearsome pup.jpg Keep hands and feet clear of mouth hole. | ||
| Conservation Status | ||
<css>
text-decoration:none; font-size:12pt; }
text-decoration:none; font-size:16pt; } </css> Least Concern | ||
| Kingdom | Evil | |
| Phylum | Vertebrata | |
| Class | Vegetarian | |
| Order | Canine through ten and nine again | |
| Family | Elf | |
| Genus | The Splarch | |
| Species | B. Pumpkin | |
| Width | 0.4m (avg) | |
| Length | 0.3m (avg) | |
| Binomial Name | ||
(Gruntlesmithy, 2011) | ||
The pumpkin is a breed of dog found only in Finland that resembles an orange vegetable or fruit. It was discovered by the great discoverer, Mr. Bean, and the rights to its DNA is subsequently owned by him. Mr. Bean injected himself with pumpkin DNA thus becoming one. Mr. Bean now resides in Omaha, Nebraska, living out his days as an advocate for child cannibalism.
History
As previously mentioned, the pumpkin was discovered by Mr. Bean in May of 2005, but ungulate experts agree that it existed long before then. Some suggest that Finnish natives attempted to tame the wild pumpkin, but were unsuccessful due to the pumpkin's wild nature. and poisonous fangs that must be first cut out. In 9283014803 BC, the pumpkins were led by The Great Pumpkin to destroy all of humanity. After the Pumpkin War I and II, many Nintendians was forced to slave under the power of the PCP (Pumpkin Communist Party). and then the nintendians fuckin pwnd the PCP with the 89th admendment the right to sneeze. And then out came the rain and washed the spider out and the itsy bitsy spider went up the spout again and got stoned out of his\her mind.
Current Status
Given new developments in the field of shock therapy, the Wild Finnish Pumpkin has been domesticated and now resides in houses across the United States of Canada. The future of the pumpkin is uncertain; however, recently the pumpkin was found to be buried with dinosaur fossils. Safeway and its allies in the Safeway Alliance are attempting to ban this gentle giant due to the fact that it looks like food. The Pumpkin may someday join the ranks of such banned foods as Soup and Broccoli.
Everyone Halloween, many people led by Linus Torvalds wait for The Great Pumpkin which has been defined as the greatest possible pumpkin in existence.
Where can I get one?
If you wish to own a Pumpkin as a pet, you can find them at any local pet store, or you hunt for your own, if you live in Finland. Of course if you don't live remotely near Finland, you can always find one on ebay. Pumpkins are also sold in your local supermarket as a fruit. After 100 years, the fruit will pop and there will be an actual living pumpkin dog.
another thing you wanna remember about pumpkins is that..
when you get near one you may experince the following..
shitting yourself pissing yourself getting pwnd in the face wiht a shotgun slight nasal discharge ejactulation broken ankels poor gas mileage bad cell fone reception high credit rate addiction to herion and\or cociane pooping in your chimmney while singing its raining men crappy yoga instructors erectile disfunction curly pubic hair thoughts of sucide forgetting about your thoughts of sucide and remembering them again yelling F**K ALTEL!!!!!! at the top of your lungs forgeting how to mak question marks//// punching a midget for saying nice hair when you walk outside naked
too bizarre for Uncyclopedia, but Illogicopedia loves random stuff. |
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