Sexual Innuendo in U.S. Currency

This article is Illogical enough  to have made it onto the front page.  View more featured articles

File:Bananaconfused.png

Many think of the United States dollar as a symbol of the unwavering power of the American economy. The dollar bill itself seems to symbolize the strength of the American economy: it's covered with symbols of mighty power, it radiates authority, and it smells a bit.

BUT if you truly believe that the American dollar is meant to symbolize the power of America, then you're in for a pretty earth-shattering shock. The American dollar is only meant to symbolize one thing: SEX.

That's right, SEX.

The founding fathers were sexual deviants and perverts. Their sexual antics are well documented. The so-called "Constitutional convention" could more accurately be described as a "Constitutional orgy" in which Franklin, Jefferson, Washington and Hamilton got together, ripped each others' clothes off, and had a violent homosexual orgy on the floor of Congress. They only wrote the Constitution as an afterthought. They promptly went back to intercourse after signing it.

The dollar bill reflects their obsession with sex. It is FULL of sexual imagery. I will provide an in-depth examination of this sexual imagery in this essay. If you have a one-dollar bill, get it, so you can look at it as you read the article.

File:George washington dollar.jpg

If you look really, really closely, you can see there's a booger in his nose!!

First, observe the picture of George Washington on the front of the bill. He looks stern and authoritative, doesn't he? LOOK AGAIN. See how he's pursing his lips, and his eyes are slightly glazed? He's clearly experiencing an orgasm. There's probably a reason why the portrait doesn't show his waste... BECAUSE HE'S MASTURBATING. That is a portrait of Washington in the middle of a flush of sexual ecstasy.

Next, look at the corners of the bill. See the "1"? Ever notice how much it looks like a human penis?

Now, flip the bill over. Check out the "O" in "ONE." Doesn't it look like a vagina? DOESN'T IT?

And the pyramid next to the "ONE"? It's obviously meant to look like a rather fat penis. The eye on top of the pyramid is the hole in the penis. And the light coming out of the top of the penis implies that the penis is experiencing orgasm.

The eagle across from "ONE" is humping an American flag.

The bill says "The Great Seal" on it. Seals are animals. Animals have sex.

It also says "In god we trust." God, according to Christians, is the father of us all. What do you have to do in order to father children? HAVE SEX.

It also says "THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA" at the top. "UNITED" can be rewritten as "UNTIED." You untie the knots on clothing in order to undress someone and HAVE SEX WITH THEM. SEX!!!!

And "AMERICA" can be rewritten as "REMICAA," which isn't a real word. But if it WERE a real word, it would surely have something to do with SEX.

Tender private

File:Legaltender.jpg

The sordid truth.

Some print on the side of the dollar says:

This note is legal tender

For all debts, public and private

Notice how "tender" is right above "private." It's a secret message! Tender private! Obviously a reference to the tenderness of the genitals!!!

See what I mean? The United States dollar is nothing but a filthy peice of pornographic TRASH!!

But it doesn't stop there. Pennies are round. What else is round? NIPPLES.

The White House is shaped like a huge nipple. Don't even get me STARTED on the Jefferson Memorial.

America's currency must IMMEDIATELY be altered to shield our children. After all, if a child hears about sex, he will immediately turn psychotic and kill EVERYBODY.

Protect your kids. Write a congressman about the disgusting filth of our money TODAY.

File:Award-star-gold.jpg Magnificent Madness This article was one of the Top Ten Articles of 2009.

Sex