Title IX

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“Title IX, suck mine!”

- Stalin

Title IX is the law in America that says that women get whatever they want, whenever they want.

It was invented by President Lyndon Baines Johnson, who killed JFK with his legs, because his wife threatened to "out him" if he didn't do it. Historians are unsure as to what she was referencing by this comment, but it can be noticed that Vice President Hubert Humphrey hurried from the scene shortly thereafter, muttering that he had to “destroy the love notes.”

So he did it.

Title IX has been used to create such women’s sports team as the WNBA, American Lacrosse United, and Bargain-Hunting, at the expense of men’s sports such as naked water polo and cricket, which most men agreed were “a waste of our time, anyway.” Independently funded groups for these sports still exist nation-wide.

God has gone on the record in opposition to Title IX, claiming that if he wanted women to get whatever they wanted, he would have given them never-ending sandwiches for hands (cheese flavoured), because that’d be “freaking cool.” God was given a suspension from the FCC for that and other comments.

Lawn Order