IllogiGames:Invasion of Illogiland/Skinned

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My refrigerator and I speak occasionallyIt's not much during the day. White, drab. Bland. Humming, bumming. Night. We converse at night. I open the door and a community, a whole society, awaits me. I'm particularly fond of Jeff, the pickle jar. He's full of these witty little jokes. They make my spleen writhe; they're just so funny. There's nothing quite like it. He wants this girl. Her name is Bethany. She's a bottle of grey mustard, slouched in the back corner with other condiments. Read more... Recently featured: Micro$oft Window$ – Dear John letter – Belching hyenas – A baby gorilla ate my homework – The Illogicopedia – Cohagen: the Forbidden Files – Dinner Table With Pillows – Enter the Chicken – Slipping My Pickle In – ChanServ File:Greenball02.jpg SCENE 1 EXT. RESIDENTIAL STREET – DAY Wide shot: street, slow zoom in, with children playing. It's a bright and sunny day. Yes, the setting of this story is actually quite pleasant. Narrator: “"And so begins the day when children play, to fill their spouts with honey and clay. But will it end in the exact same way? Or for our heroes, be it their last day...?" It won’t be of course, since it’s not real. Camera stops zooming in. Kids stop playing and look at the camera. Narrator: The writer could make the characters invincible if he wanted. Besides, the writer prefers doing happy endings… what? Oh sorry, I’ll keep quiet. Camera starts to zoom in again. Kids continue to play. Narrator: “The tale begins on Hallowe'en down at a conspicuous police department… Did you know... ...that Guitar Hero: Thick as a Brick recently got Jethro Tull's Thick as a Brick 2 added as downloadable content? ...that swivel-lipped anaphylaxis Brim-full Subside contraption is neither here nor there? ...that Articles with really long titular titles and lots of redundancy in their titles and got some not good grammar too generally tend to lean towards being a great disappointment, especially if you're like me, and you have this thing about run-on sentences, not reading them but writing them, in your articles anyway, and so this inevitably leads to an article with a title so awfully long and, let's face it, why should you even read the whole thing? I mean, the title itself is probably longer than the article itself, per se... oh, all those stupid Latin quotes and references too, like it makes me a smarty-nerd type or something, like I don't have enough problems with my image for God's sake... I mean, really, you wouldn't want to be on the end of the scalliwag, in any and perhaps all cases, that... might just be worth a peek at, so to speak, per se? ...that you can use your frequent flyer miles to take Aikido lessons in Turkey? ...that the munchies are a frequent side-effect of Viagra? ...that your enemy can be defeated by turning their flatulence against them, using Aikido? ...that Attila the hun was sympathetic to Bonnie Prince Redondo? ...that House Plantagenet never attempted bake and wake? ...that the monkey fell out of the tree? ...that the chicken crossed the road? ...that Francis E. Dec was a prophetic savant who ruthlessly messiahed a cult of one? ...that the crux of the biscuit is the Trained Parroting Puppet Assassins? ...that Hangman-rope Underling made sense last night? ...that everybody loves Grunteloons? ...that before Atlantis disappeared beneath the waves, lobster based programming was the paradigm du jour? ...that They drive to work using speed dial, but they're still hungry? ...that Provolone cheese, hot peppers and brown mustard on a bulky roll, please? ...that Mongol hordes stripped the Caucasus of zebu? ...that some implications of sniffing fairy dust include gradual memory loss and in some cases... sleep floating? ...that's gangsta, son? ...that preaching to the choir is a lost art? ...that a smack to the head is worth two in the bush? ...that frontally installed hurling brackets will never accumulate more than BibbStepp195? ...that when you breathe a pineapple into your stomach - your liver hich-hikes to your stomach to decomepose the pineapple? ...that when judges try cases, they always wear their bench briefs? ...that pointlessness is next to Godlessness? More DYKs – Did you know that <insert name here> Rules? – Add your own >>>	Hot Off The Press: File:Ose demon of insanity.jpg Existence not all it's cracked up to be, say scientists Sports celeb "pulled more tail than a slow kid at a petting zoo" File:5eb.gif Canadian govt. approves national Bake and Wake Day Lactating midgets get the munchies, nobody laughs File:Warped mind.JPG The Long Awaited Hiatus from Weed Francis E. Dec back from the grave, runs for Senator of Puerto Rico File:Tumblr lv8h3p8NPf1qdqcy0o1 500.gif Zeroastrianism declared official religion of Finnish nihilists Silent Penguin makes the pros, American football enthusiasts rejoice File:Hockey-penguins-extended.jpg 13809827354 Puisse is the new black, Social Studies is the new Math File:JeremyClarkson.jpg Tesco experience poor festive sales, are forced to sell over 3,000 mince pies for 1p Following recent India jibes, Jeremy Clarkson only yet to offend balding, middle aged jeans-clad motoring journalists: report Faulty implants scandal: exploding boobs a 'real possibility' File:Inbred.jpeg Bigfoot sighted at blind date File:Reaganvoodoo.jpg Trickle-down pants surprisingly popular in Danmark WAE IZ BAK. VOTE FOR YOUR LEAST FAVORITES. Conservapedia:The Future Minor annoyances swept down underneath the carpet Leftover airline fuel put to use as mildly intoxicating water substitute World ends 31/11/2011 to spite imagined 2012 doomsday believers File:Illogicopedia Peoples Choice Award.jpg Vote for your favourite articles and win nothing! Public houses everywhere usher in a Happy New Beer Illogicopedia's first (and only) reality show returns for a second season some four years after its debut Illogiblog – IllogiNews – Add news >>> Seemed like a good idea at the time All your peas in one pocket, Yardarms asunder with blight. Smell is never to be taken for granted. Oh, is that the front porch light? Henri grabbed a box of fudge decimally only to refute Descartes with a sullied blender. Guinea Pigs fear and obey the longest article as a matter of principle. It was for this purpose that great houses of worship were erected on every continent. There is even a covert redoubt on Mars, manned by cryogenically preserved sick people and geezers. One retiree even received a complimentary set of decorator crabs, and a shiny medal with grass on it. The ankle-biters tagged along, gaily nipping away at the poor footies on innocent pilgrims on the road to the Dwarf Fortress. Finally, having passed through the Mountains of Travail, the Third Bishop remarked casually, if uneventfully, that the rains had brought a much-needed ensconcement to the countryside. Carved in all it's adamantine glory, the precipice will not falter. File Nucleonic Power in your pipe, and smoke it. File:WIGGULGWAM.gif There has been entirely too much salami this week. Please reduce coldcut orders by 65%, or risk Italian singers to inundate the harbor. On March 4, Anna Nichole Smith was reincarnated as a vulture. Bilge pump, oh fleeting bilge pump! I invoke thine intercession on my dog's behalf to give us a nice spring day for the Feast of Saint Alphonso. Gladden our loins with hackles of smelt, and roundly defeat our enemies with Kentucky whiskey. Living on a barge has it's perks... Santorum, for instance. Jesus is here, and he's belching. Martusse performed his usual dazzling food arithmetic before God and Satan, with no regard for the truth of the matter. Or energy, for that matter. The beer was Dutch, the lobster from Maine and fugu tank-grown in Okinawa. It's a static line of Saarin plied between 5 razors, and then you spit. Bubbles form on the inner edges, but you don't care, you just keep shoring up the beech head until it's time for dinner. Knocking about on a Saturday morning, up to no good, Yancy fanciedan y dsertfet ahhhjn peoplle ar typing for m,e sddorry. he did picket a sick frigate paddling ostentatiously toward the Pagoda of Backupu Redundancy. Today is Kerbit's Day, and in honor of such a panoply, we at Illogicopedia wish our brethren and sisteren of the Holy Apostolic Multidimensional Church of the Half-Buried Truths. To everybody else, we suggest ingesting, imbibing and otherwise consuming things and stuff that make you happy. When the pump stops, please extinguish all smoking materials and dog-pile on your comfy mattress until the train comes to full stop. qazwsxedcrfvtgbyhnujmik,ol.p;/[']\|}"?{:>PL<OKMIJNUHBYGVTFCRDXESZWAQ`~ ROLLING MY HEAD ON THE KEYBOARD!!! As Boudica nuzzled her orange kitty face against the upper edge of my laptop, hobbled-goblins emerged from the hills across the frozen tundra, mile after mile, sifting flour deviously and with expressions of derision on their gaunt, leathery faces. Olaf the Redolent of Onion was, as usual, out of step with the rest of the horde, and whistling the Lithuanian national song of gloating, but this in step with his brethren. The following message brought to you by dreadfully unfunny. EVERYDAY IM SHUFFLING As a further proof of concept, shiny duct tape can be expressed as follows: $\{x:x\ \mathrm {is\ an\ even\ prime} \}\,\!$ $\{x:x\ \mathrm {is\ a\ positive\ square\ root\ of} \ 4\}\,\!$ $\{2\}\,\!$ The resultant expression is in no way similar to lactation. "Clink!" went the glasses, narrowly avoiding fatal collision due to intoxication of glass pilots. ...so then, Barry pointed up the street and said, "Up at the third set of lights, that's Adams Street. Take a right and just before the end of the block, on your left, you'll find the Catechism Monkey Building." Unfortunately, Barry was holding a bag of freshly scooped doggie poops in the same hand which he used to gesture down the street, facilitating directions and simultaneously waving said malodorous package under the nose of the directions asker... porpoise? Meh berd is cooler than wrowbawttzq. Meh berd has always been cooler than wrowbawttzq. And, most of all, wrowbawttzq is always doomed to be inferior to meh berd with respect to coolishness. Now, if you'll excuse me, there's things that need stuff done to them. Bedelato 03:10, 18 Jeremy 2012 (UTC) I jizzed in my pants. Yes, well... that's the sort of blinkered, Philistine pig-ignorance I've come to expect from you non-creative garbage. You sit there on your loathsome, spotty behinds, squeezing blackheads, not giving a tinker's cuss about the struggling artist, you excrement! You whining, hypocritical toadies with your color tv sets, and your Tony Jacqueline golf clubs, and your secret Masonic handshakes! Come to the Arseton Car Bot Sale for Free CHristmas presents.! I was walking through the city streets, and a man comes up to me and hands me the latest energy drink. "Run faster, jump higher!" Man, I'm not gonna let you poison me! I THREW IT ON THE GROUND!!! You must think I'm a joke! I ain't gonna be part of your system! Man, pump that garbage in another man's veins! I go to my favorite hot dog stand, and the dude says, "You come here all the time! Here's one for free." I said, "Man, what do I look like? A charity case?" I took it, and THREW IT ON THE GROUND!!! I don't need your handouts! I'm an adult, please! You can't buy me, hot dog man! At the farmer's market with my so-called girlfreind, she hands me her cellphone, says it's my dad. Man, this ain't my dad! This is a cellphone! I THREW IT ON THE GROUND!!! Whatcha think, I'm stupid? I'm not a part of the system! My dad is not a phone! DUH! Some poser hands me cake at a birthday party. Whatcha want me to do with this, eat it? HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO THE GROUND!!! I threw the rest of the cake too! Welcome to the real world, jackass! So many things to throw on the ground, like this and this and that and even this! I'M AN ADULT!!! Two Hollywood phonies try to give me their autograph. GROUND!!! Nobody wants your autograph, phonies! Then the two phonies got up, turned out they had a tazer, and they tazed me in the butthole! I fell to the ground! The phonies wouldn't let up, tazin' on my butthole over and over! I was screaming and squirming, my butthole was on fire! The moral of the story is, you can't trust the system. Man! ~[ths] Keeper of the Bloodwine My Farticles. Qaplá'! Are you bigger than cheeses? 19:27, 12/22/2011 I AM SAILING! I AM SAILING! THROUGH THE OCEAN!!!!! I AM SAILING!!!!!! THIS IS STUPID, ROD STEWART LYRICS DO NOT QUALIFY FOR A SECTION HEADER!!! File:Monkey-butler.jpg Island Monkey - Throw a banana 15:38, 22 Ditzimber 2011 (UTC) So, I was getting groceries the other day, and this woman walks up to me and asks, "is this where you go for a bucket of swine flu?" And I thought, this woman must be nuts, when providentially I was struck down hard by a towering display of cashews. Then the commotion started down at the far end, when the freezer cases are, and some Cambodian family was transmuting ice cream into gold. A crowd began to gather, both around me and my mess, and the Khmer alchemists, and I thought, "we're not talking Cecil B. DeMille, here. Space aliens didn't land 47 kilometers south of Paris in 1066 by coincidence." A snarky fellow with an ill-fitting overcoat at once came into view, just as Gilgamesh was an epic and grandstanding idiots with recessive tails and slow thinking pilchard followers approach the singularity. Stop looking at your watch! Rick Keyer forbids it. Humanist propaganda contains the seeds of mutation coddling. Thus, Che Guevara was formed. So, when in history did exposed womens' breasts become such a big deal? I mean, really. When a shoe doesn't fit no more, is it a shoe? Or an ornament? Or even a solid leather pocket unattatched to your pants? I had some pants once. They were great. But instead I have to wear shoes to compensate. Well, I would if the bloody shoe fit!!!! Ho ho ho! Gawd elp mi! “You, sir, are incorrect.” - Reginald Mordling on why the left elbow is crucial File:World.jpg The worst thing about the naughties was that you never got a good look down that woman's top. Somethingness Nothingness File:Starry-Night-made-out-of-bacon.jpg Starry, starry Francis. Aid epoc igol-- NOW BACK TO THE GOOD PART! THIS IS THE TALE, OF CAPTAIN JACK SPARROW PIRATE SO BRAVE, OF THE SEVEN SEAS! MYSTICAL QUEST, TO THE ISLE OF TORTUGA RAVEN LOCKS SWAY ON THE OCEAN BREEZE!!! Paragraph 7 states that any and all orders from ChatIntZyulcUtreXmall must be routed through the gefilte filter. I CANNOT OVERSTATE THE IMPORTANCE OF THIS. IGNORE AT PERIL OF UNEMPLOYMENT! “...over a one-celled Hammond organizm...” - Frank Zappa on revised movement of the diaphragm. OG Stuttgart Klackon! Mrrshan Diplomacy! grimaced as it bore it's 7000 kilogram load down the narrow corridor leading to the docks. Froogybeasts littered the path, skittering primarily thither into the twilit corners, where rampart extensions jutted onto the common folk spaces. Lazarus tumbled down a three stair flight tramshackle over the OG's head and splattered to a halt abruptly with fogey intent. It was at this point that the grapes began to ripen, and all heaven set itself in order. That was the Night of the Sofa, a memorable occasion made so by such as those who can't remember their own names half the time, and can't sing the other half. The latter didn't matter so much, since the caliber of the compositions themselves were manifestly divine. A dog will not call you The Chrome Dinette, no matter how hard you try. The United Nations recently banned "Frunobulax Poop" as a weapon of mass disgust, foremost in a list of 54 disgusting substances. Others include Klezmer, pureed rodents, santorum and owl pellets. I'LL VANDALISE YOUR MAINPAGE! AND I'LL KILL YOUR GRANDMOTHER! And you know who else will vandalize my mainpage? MMMY MOM!!! The Illogicopedia War of the English and Americans is heating up again. It says, "Add your mad gibber here", as though it's obvious. Is it your mad gibber they are really after? What it they'd misspelled "gibbons"? What if they're really looking for gibbons, trying to build a gibbon army, with which to subdue the forces of wisdom and light? Then where would we be? EWxceeed action or the article that wrote itself happened during a freak storm, when waterspouts dotted the Colorado landscape everywhere higher than 77 feet above sea level. Legumes were brought in from adjacent states for morale purposes, but the enemy was in sight. Run! File:Sears.png Arses! File:Rick Parry.jpg This guy stole my Texan patron saint! "That is sorta mental", she thought, while combing the Baconaise out of her hair. Bits of bacon kept flying off, like errant toenails from a booger-eating spaz. She thumbed through grainy black and whites of old-timey cars and filigreed PVC piping. Under the sink, leeches simmered in the lobster pot, briny in a sauce of strained carrots, sea salt, fatback, tumeric, crickets and white wine. File:Cthulhu-Jesus.jpg This is what waits in your closet at night. Shortly after the introduction of the Lossy cheese integrator, the Gainy cheese integrator surpassed all expectations of potatoe-headed Bombay. ...so, she sneezed in the middle of her trumpet solo! It was hilarious! Snot actually flew out of the bell! When Dracula lost his arm, he was quite upset. I could hear him clear across B deck by the docking array. Principles signaled Earth for instructions, since vampires in space were not covered in the manual. Snickering, the gringo said, "Where's all the white women at?". WHAT IS THIS, I DON'T EVEN NUMBERS ARE WEIRD. An Inconvenient Chicken pulsates deeply in the Earth, biding its time, waiting for the next opportunity to wreak havoc upon all humans. Only by the intercession of the banana god will we be saved. ?pedians will get directions to emergency inconvenient chicken fallout shelters in their email. Others will perish under the chickeny smiting. A song once said "Strange days, have found us. Strange days, have tracked us down." Well, I'm not one to doubt that song. These are some strange days if The Idiotical.com has suddenly become funnier than Illogicopedia. Luckily, that's not likely to happen anytime soon... *shifty eyes* Some of us ought to have our poetic licenses revoked. “I WHIP MAI EARLOBES BACK AND FORTH I WHIP MAI EARLOBES BACK AND FORTH I WHIP MAI EARLOBES BACK AND FORTH I WHIP MAI EARLOBES BACK AND FORTH” ~The Ferengi version of "Whip My Hair" by Willow Smith File:Mayo-ketchup.jpg Good Versus Evil: Battle For The Banana Cheese. AID EPOC IGOLLI IS ACTUALLY UNCYCLOPEDIA SPELLED BACKWRDS!!! AND AID EPOL CYCNU IS ACTUALLY...UM...EH? There is a dark presence, lingering in the background, waiting to eat our souls... Hercules traded salad forks in the Middle East during his tenure as baritone spambot. Pictures of his ants were uploaded to the Rogue Elementals Wiki during the Quaker Rebellion of 1895. File:Eh2.jpg She made me a burger that looked like it was cooked in 1699. ${\frac {\frac {I=Eggman}{They=Eggmen}}{\frac {I=Walrus}{Goo^{2}gajoob}}}$ Incidentally, we were thinking of tearing out the filigree from the nauseatium. Look, a salamander! eeeerrefeftrtrfeeeee ...oh my. honk. HONK. honk. HOOOOOONK. :o) real friendlike of you to be droppin by. HONKhonkHONKhonk. ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ I'm about to give away the answer to Illogicopedia's biggest secret! The answer to what Aid Epoc Igolli means is-- BLAM! We are sorry, but This user was about to give away Illogicopedia's biggest secret. Do not worry, however, there will be no more killings. Okay, here I go. The answer to Aid Epoc Igolli is-- BLAM! Once again, we admins could not allow this to happen, we are sorry for your loss. Okay, I won't tell you the secret to Aid Epoc Igolli. But, by the way, it is merely Illogicopedia backwards! Ha! I said it! What are you going to do about me now, admi-- BLAM! Really, all it means is "blam". Trust me, I'm an admin. —rms talk 17:49, 2 Ergust 2011 (UTC) I'll never trust you, NEVER!!! You killed my father!!! <css> .dannyboy {; font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; } .dannyboy a:hover { text-decoration: none } </css>~[thehappyspaceman] 17:59, 08/2/2011 You just scrolled down to the bottom of this list of nonsense. More... – Add your mad gibber >>> Anti-feature
This month's featured writer, apart from <insert name here>, who should win it every month float Not having made an edit in forever, Mr. One Step Away From Copyright Infringement decided to attempt to resurrect Our Glorious Ragglefraggleking through the unapproved Voodoo method of IOTM Voting. (We should submit this discovery to Dr. Oz!) He has made it back, actually editing his talk page for whatever reason. Having written crap that the author of his bio has never ever ever read, since it's from the days of old, he impressed his peers through the empty void of nostalgia. One could expect his comeback is imminent, but we're not sure. It may never come. After all, Raggle almost lost to Mitt Romney for IOTM. Only time can tell.
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